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5 Bumps

Am I wrong? *small edit*

iI'll try to make this as simple as I can. My SO and I are ready to get a house together. For reasons it would be to complicated to get into it will be him and his father financing the mortgage and going on the deed. We have been operating as a team for awhile now and work together when it comes to paying the bills etc etc. I am going to be receiving a settlement check for property that I have that was destroyed in a fire. He wants us to take that money and use it to pay down the mortgage (we're talking about 30-40k ) I told him I don't want to do that because I don't really want to put all that money into a house that isn't legally mine if something for whatever reason were to not work out I would have no real way to get my investment back. It's one thing to be contributing to the monthly expenses of a house (i'd be doing that renting anyway) but that much money is another thing imo.

He is really mad at me throwing all of this "I thought we were a team" and "I see you don't care about our finances since this would make our payments so much cheaper" " I guess you're having doubts and thinking we're going to break up suddenly"

Is me not wanting to use my settlement money for this wrong since we pool pretty much everything else together?

Any suggestions on possible win win situations I'm open to. Right now I can't go on the deed because his parents won't allow it until we're married and we can't get approved to get the house in the first place without them.

thanks To clarify this money is not for the downpayment. I won't be getting this money for a few more months but when  i do he is wanitng to put it towards paying down the mortgage.


Asked by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • He needs to be ok with you wanting to protect yourself. He needs to understand that you HAVE to do this for yourself and that it is NOT a dig at him or the relationship. ANY attorney would advise you against putting money into a house like that without your name on the deed. What if, for example, before you two were to get married, he died? And his father decided you would NOT get the house? He cannot guarantee you that wouldn't happen. If the tables were turned, he would be wise to NOT put money in a house that HIS name was not on the deed of. You guys are adults, you have to think with your heads, not your hearts here.
    I think many said not to let his parents be involved because they may want to be all up in ya'lls business. Have control. Call the shots. And that will not sit well. I know MY parents wouldn't, MY inlaws wouldn't, but many would. It would be wise for the both of you to get legal advice.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 6:07 PM on Mar. 24, 2011


    Answer by DMJ3 at 5:18 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I would not put one penny into that house unless my name were on it too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:10 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Do not put money into a home without your name included.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 5:15 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Have a paralegal or attorney write up a paper saying that you are investing 40k in said house and if there is a split in the relationship, within so many years, you get that money back. Of course, he AND his dad would have to sign to make it legal. After the initial investment, whatever you spend on living expenses would be on you, so that wouldn't have to be paid back. Smart people cover their assets. If they don't want to sign, you can sock away the money. You will probably need it. Why won't he marry you? How long has he known about the settlement? If you marry before you get the settlement, in most states, half is his. If he and dad buy the house before you marry, it's theirs. Anything you invest is out the window in case of a split. A lot to think about. I say get legal advise.

    Answer by Kimimale at 5:20 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • First of all in my expiriences its a bad idea to have mom in dad involved in ya'lls financies at all :( sorry. i get that you want a house together, but maybe wait until you can do it together?

    Answer by yesmaam at 5:12 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • My brother is without a home. His lovely girlfriend had him use his savings on a house and he did not put his name anywhere. She kicked him out and he now resides on our couch. There is nothing legally he can do.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 5:21 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • :/ this is hard...
    First, may I ask why you two aren't married yet? Just not ready or something?
    Would you be willing to be put ANY amount of that money down?
    How much will he be contributing tot he down payment?
    I personally wouldn't want to put much money down if my name wouldn't be on the deed...
    Can you negoiate with the parents at all? Saying I'll put the money down, but only if my name is also on the deed? You'd think they'd want less to be owed on the house since they are helping to finance it.

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 5:17 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I agree I would want my name on that house before I put any money into it.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:22 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I would wait until you were both able to get into in both of your names, that way you will not get screwed outta your money.

    Answer by mommy_jules at 5:25 PM on Mar. 24, 2011