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2 Bumps

Do you think it's time to give up the fantasy

My cousin is planning her wedding. She's been with her man just over 2 years (when she found out her son was his). They hadn't even been dating before she had the baby, there was a one night thing between riends and when she knew for sure...well, they tried it out and things were going well... and she's planning her wedding. I'm going to be a bridesmaid.
SO's sister is planning her wedding. She's been seeing this guy almost 5 years and cohabitating for 2. I'm going to be a bridesmaid.
SO and I have been together for 7 years. We've been living together most of that time. We have 2 kids, the oldest is just about 5. We have been talking about getting married since month 1. But we can't afford a wedding. I want, more than anything, to truly be his wife. He's asked me time and time again if I want to go to the courthouse and make it official. It would be like abandoning a dream though. Especially now, with these 2 women who are my best friends, planning their lovely weddings...It stings!
I want to BE married more than I want a wedding (which some women can't honestly say) but I want to feel like we did something special...not just signed a piece of paper.
Can I get some advice, ladies? Or even some words of encouragement? 7 years is long enough as a live in girlfriend.


Asked by Nicoles2LilRams at 9:19 PM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,161 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I say go to the court house.... get married... then plan a wedding when you can afford one... like on an anniversary or something!!! Who cares what others are doing... if you want to be his wife, be his wife!!


    Answer by Crafty26 at 9:43 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • oh i would like to add... never drop the fantasy on anything. if you want something make it so. never lose sight of your dreams. they may not get to be as big as you want or as fancy. but it's still a dream and all dreams take time to blossom.

    Answer by oldfashionSAHM at 9:24 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • never give up hope. It does not have to be a super fancy wedding with 50 people standing up, you can do little things to make is less expensive. As long as while your walking down that isle and you see him and you have everything you ever needed right there, cause that is the most important part.

    Answer by Leeli12410 at 9:32 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Don't give up, I got married in a courth house and we'll have the wedding maybe two years from now, but i like the feeling of telling people (Specially to his Ex) that i am his wife. And noone can't take that away from me!!!! I'm still dreaming with my white dress and there are some beautiful designs in downtown for 250. And nobody has to know where did you buy it. Of course you can alway lie. but believe me, your feelings and your budget are more important than how many people will attend. I mean if you are planning a 300 people wedding i'm pretty sure only 50 will care. so don't over spend and make sure to invite only to the most important persons in your life.

    Answer by stella_82 at 9:43 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • My dress was a bridesmaid dress in white and it was perfect! we got married in the garden next to a church. a one-room church would be sweet, too, and you wouldn't have to provide chairs. Can you have a small reception at someone's house?
    How about an outdoor ceremony, one attendant for each of you, or just the kids? Have it at an "off" time like 2 or 3 pm and just serve coffee/tea and cake. That's really all you need. I think it would be beautiful and keep the focus on what is important. You will get to have your special day without sacrificing too much.

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 10:57 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I agree with crafty, is the fantasy the wedding or him being your hubby? If it's the second one, do it in a courthouse and save a crap ton of money, maybe just have a big party/bbq to celebrate with family and friends afterwards.

    Answer by cailynsmommy626 at 11:49 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Plan a low cost wedding. It is possible.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:21 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • me and dh got married at the court house. but we are still planning a wedding. not any time soon. but maybe a 25th anni. if we dont' do it at 10 or 15.

    i wanted to be his wife more then a wedding, but is still want the wedding too. we was just on a very tight budget and very limited time.i wanted my dad there so it was a spur of the moment thing when he came up to visit.

    Answer by oldfashionSAHM at 9:22 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • You CAN have a low cost and still beautiful wedding. You don't have to spend 5 grand on a dress like some people (my sister in law!).
    If you or anyone you know (and would be willing to help) can sew, make the dress. If you sign up for mailers from fabric shops, you will get 40% off coupons every couple weeks that will save you a ton of money on the material. You can also get lots of tulle to use for decorating and it's cheap but still can look pretty classy.
    If you know anyone good with cakes, see if they can make yours. My mom is a professional cake decorator, so she made the cake for my first wedding - costs next to nothing to buy the ingredients, as opposed to spending $400-$1000 or more on a cake.
    They have lots of cute, if slightly generic, invitations, favors, and other paper goods at walmart and places like Michaels, Hobby Lobby, etc. You can get everything you need even on a shoestring budget.

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 9:30 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Weddings are expensive, even the cheap ones. We paid for ours over time and had help from both our parents and my aunt did all the flowers for us (she does fake flowers and has done many family weddings and I'm no flower snob. It looked great in person and most importantly in pictures!). My parents paid for the church which was like 300. His mom stocked the bar at the reception and paid the bartenders. His bio dad gave us 1,000 to pay for things like the reception hall and whatever else we needed. My sister took care of the cake for us. I worked while both my husband and I were in college full time. We used what I made and a bit of our student loans to make it happen. I did everything that I could myself like making the invitations and response cards. Good luck and do a little at a time and before you know it you will have all that you need. We used the money we got on the wedding partially on the honeymoon .

    Answer by at 9:31 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

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