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Am I letting others dictate my feelings?

My hunny and I have been together going on 5 years. We have bought a house, everything is in both our names. We act like a married couple but whenever I bring up maybe a ring if anything he acts like he does not hear me. He used to call me his Fiance and I noticed he now stumbles over girlfriend. When I said something to him he got flustered and now I am his Fiance again. I realize we have issues if we get married, he is Jewish but does not practice, and I am Methodist. Outside wedding is fine with me, a justice of the peace is fine also. I am lost here. He shows me honeymoon spots, and wedding dresses he likes or a style of bridesmaids dresses and if I get excited and look around for more he gets cross. Am I wasting my time with the want to get married? I won't leave him unless he tells me to get out, he is my soul-mate. I have relatives who have been married more than once, and they give us a lot of bs about not being married. should I just stop dreaming and wait for him to say we are doing it? Or should I push slightly?

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Leeli12410

Asked by Leeli12410 at 9:43 PM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 6 (143 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • There are many legal protections that go along with a marriage certificate. Get one, or move on.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:57 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • He's your soul-mate right? I'm a big fan of just straight-up talking. It is so important to be able to talk and work together when sharing a life with someone else. So go up to him and gently say "I want to talk with you about our future. I've sensed that you are uncomfortable with something and I've been getting some mixed messages. So I really want to understand what you are thinking, and I want to make sure you understand what I'm thinking." If you don't want to put him on the spot, you can suggest that he thinks about it (hey, you've had time to really think, too) and you can talk again in a day or two or whenever. Hope this helps!
    Sebbiemama

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 10:01 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Are you happy with everything else with this guy? Do you want to have him make a choice about getting married? What if it's not the choice you want, are you prepared to leave? Sometimes it's not about what everyone else wants, but what makes you happy. Be happy and in love!
    michelle121003

    Answer by michelle121003 at 10:02 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Do YOU want to get married - you, not him, not relatives, not friends, not strangers on a website or passing you on the street. If YOU want to get married, then talk to him and find out what he's thinking on it. If you can't talk to him about this, then your relationship has bigger problems than whether or not you're letting others dictate your feelings. If you two can't communicate about the status and direction of your relationship, that's a major red flag.

    If you're happy with the way things are, and not wanting to get married, then don't worry about what anyone else says/thinks. What matters is that the two of you are happy. If you two are happy, then who cares what others think?
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:18 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Reading everyone's comments I looked inside me and I realize YES I want to get married to Steve. I love him and he is the best thing that ever happened to or for me. The relatives are just that relatives. I did talk to him last night as we were going to bed, he wants to get married also but he wants a large wedding, he then pulled out a savings book and he has over 9 grand in there for our wedding. I don't know what else to say on that one but yep he is serious. He is having issues with finding my ring. I don't want diamonds or all diamonds, I would like the main stone to be Tanzite or all the stones to be Tanzite and he is having the issue that my hands are small and everything pre-created is to large for for my fingers and I would look like a little girl playing with their great aunts costume jewelry. Which means he was listening to me. I know a man listened. Thanks everyone.
    Leeli12410

    Comment by Leeli12410 (original poster) at 3:13 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

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