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4 Bumps

Please help me!!!

My husband is a veteran with severe PTSD. He and I both were big drinkers that led to huge fights and sometimes got physical mostly me being the physical one. Since that time, I have had a daughter, and have for the most part given up drinking. I will have a drink on the weekends. But just one. My husband on the other hand will have 3 or 4 every weekend night, and usually behind my back also takes prescription pills to, as I believe, intensify this buzz. A month ago, I gave him the ultimatum, that it was us or his drinking, because it leads to serious fighting. He said obviously it would be us. Then, the weekend rolls around and he'll talk me into letting him have " a drink to unwind" and I give in. It usually results in more than one. Today, he found out he is losing his job, and said to me, "I need a drink. Pull out the vodka." ( p.s I hid it because he asked me too, he just admitted to me on Monday he believes he has a problem with it) So stupid me, feeling like the man deserves a drink, I got it out. He made one drink alright! With 3 shots in it, and tonight he was acting so dumb, I threatened to leave him, I actually gave him my wedding ring. Now, he's talking to himself, being loud to keep our daughter awake, and saying that he'll get full custody of our daughter because I don't make money. I'm a stay at home mom. Help I feel helpless.... Somebody please tell me what I need to do. I can't keep our daughter in this situation, but I love him, and I want to help him. I just can't believe we are in this position. He's the love of my life, and ever since deployment, I haven't had my husband back. By the way he has ADHD and is on meds for it.
Any thoughts?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on Mar. 24, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • i am not sure what i can say to help you :( i am sorry you are going through that.. but i would like to say my husband is also a vet. an also deals with PTSD.. :( i am sorry! my husband has adhd as well but doesnt take meds for it. but i am sorry you are going through that ((hugs))

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 10:52 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Tell him he has to get help, that you have seen he can't beat this by himself, and that you refuse to watch the man you love destroy himself and his family. Tell him you will go with him and you will support him any way you can. Then you start looking for help. Don't wait for him to do it, but do it yourself. If you can't afford to pay someone, call the churches in your area and tell him what you need. Many of them do counseling for free. In the meantime, do not allow liquor in any form in your home. If it's there, he's going to be more tempted to partake, so just don't have it there. And no matter how many times he asks you to relent, refuse to do it. He can't handle it!

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:52 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • he wont get your daughter with all the pills he takes and mainly cause of the drinking but u need to give your daughter and yourself a safe environment asap

    Answer by cnoble927 at 10:52 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • You can't help til he wants to help himself. Stop threatening to leave and just leave with your dd. I know it will be hard because I've done it. Hopefully it will open up his eyes and think you're serious about leaving so he'll change for good and for the better for your family.

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 10:54 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I'm not sure if you are going to find the answers you want here but I think some couples therapy will benefit both of you. And obviously some one on one therapy for him and joining AA. You both need to cut alcohol completely out of your lives, even one drink for former big drinkers like yourselves is too much. And he is not open to any of those things then separation might be best, especially for the sake of your child.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 10:54 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I have severe PTSD. I dont take med's for it anymore. I saw an awesome shrink who taught me cognitive behavioral therapy. It was not an overnight fix, but I did not want to be on Valium my whole life. It REALLY works.
    He thinks he will get full custody. You not working wont automatically keep you from getting the kid. Your going to have to convince him to get the help he needs or follow through on your threat. BTW? NEVER give the rings back. The judge will let you keep them always in a divorce and they are pawn-able for gold and stones.
    Make him get shrink help. you CAN get passed PTSD . But ADHD? seriously? most adults outgrow it by age 25. Seek adult help for that as well.Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can also teach him the skills he needs to stay focused.

    Answer by vbruno at 10:55 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • I hate that you are going through such a trying time and situation with your family. I don't think I have the right words or advice to say on your situation but to make sure you and are your daughter are safe because emotions and situations intensify when drinking is involved. All I can say is get HELP for your family immediately whether it is professional, spiritual, close reliable and dependable friends. Drinking, arguing, and becoming physical along with his mental/medical conditions are not a good mix!!! I wish you all the best!!


    Answer by NewMayMommy_25 at 10:56 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:57 PM on Mar. 24, 2011

  • Sorry to here this but he needs to get some help for his war issues someone to talk to and he needs to stop drinking and relying on the alcohol for comfort and taking med's not a good combination and is very dangerous. If you feel uncomfortable then you and the baby need to go so he can decide what is worth living for you or the booze. He has a drinking problem and needs to address and you are enableing him by giving in and making excuses for him.
    Stick to your guns and help him because by you giving in you are only hurting him and you....and he can't take your baby away the courts will automatally give here to you because your the mom because when they review his history and see he'son meds and drinks alot no court will give the baby to him, they might though request you get a job within a certain amount of time but you wont loose her at all....good luck D

    Answer by dusty1962 at 12:45 AM on Mar. 25, 2011