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How long would you wait to bring up the sex issue again?

I been with my DH for 30 years, recently I found that he had a secret e-mail account and has been trading messages with another woman, the ones I saw did not reference anthing sexual. Our life right know is crazy because my job is continuously up in the air. He is saying that he does not want to have sex because he works 60 hours a week and is upset over our future because of my job insecurity.
We talked about this 2 month ago and have not had sex since, I was thinking I should give him another 2 months before I bring up our sexless relationship to him again. What do you think, would you wat that long? Do you think he is fooling around?

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wildgirl100

Asked by wildgirl100 at 1:07 PM on Nov. 26, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • How can you wait 2 months longer if you have the need to talk about it now??
    The secret email account with the other woman..personally I would not have let the one sit until I knew the truth....Is he fooling around?? I say yes just by texting another woman behind your back.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 1:09 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Men don't respond well to talking. What we see as talking, they often see as nagging (that pisses me off too if you are wondering). Sometimes actions speak louder than words. I know it can be scary to put yourself out there sometimes, but it couldn't hurt to try something new to spice things up. It helps to have a few drinks to loosen you up a bit. Try opening a bottle of wine together, then when you are good and jolly try something scandalous like biting and scratching, tie him up, try a new position in a new place, anything you have never tried before that you have always wanted to. Sometimes you just have to take the initiative instead of talking about how sexless life is. There is nothing less sexy than having to talk about how unsexy everything is, especially since you've already had that conversation 2 months ago. It didn't work the first time, but it did plant the seed in his mind that you are missing sex also.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 1:45 PM on Nov. 26, 2008


  • As for the secret email account and conversations with another woman. I would find that fishy. I can't say if it means he is cheating and confronting him may not get the answers you want. I'd still try to talk to him about it though. Even if it's not sexual in nature, it sounds like an emotional affair. He's talking to and confiding in her when he should be doing that with you. It sounds like there is still hope for you guys though, especially after 30 years. Good luck and much love to you!
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 1:45 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • People who are in a relationship and having sex do not need to talk about sex in e-mails unless that is the entire basis of the relationship... It seems pretty clear he is cheating. Emotionally and I'd bet sexually - why else not have sex with you? Is he really working 60 hours a week? Him saying he's too upset about your future because of your job is a bunch of BS designed to worry you into focusing all your attention on getting a job so you'll be too distracted to see what's really going on. If it were me, I would just call him on all of it and see if the marriage could be saved before it gets completely out of control.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:52 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Sorry but it sounds like he's fooling around. I've never heard of a man who says he doesn't ever want to have sex. Yes, you should definitely bring this up!
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 2:22 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

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