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Verbal threats

My 12 yr old son is out of control, I don't know what to do he threatens to hit my husband when he doesn't like what we tell him to do. He is in orchestra and he has to get up at 7 he doesn't want to be in orchestra anymore,but he wants to be in band when he enters 7th grade. I told him if he wants to do that then he has to complete orchestra he is still fighting us on it and he gives us a very bad attitude in the morning. I'm tired of the fighting and the stress and bad feelings that are in this home all the time. He is going to be grounded when he gets home from school today and I might ground him longer till his behavior changes. Or do you ladies have a better suggestion maybe something that worked for your kids?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Mar. 25, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • I don't ever threaten anything I won't actually follow through with. Have him decide if it is worth quitting orchestra, but then stick with your decision about him not joining band. Let him make the decision that way he is responsible for what happens. Good luck!!

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 10:10 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • If that was my boy, Id have smacked him for threatening me, so would my husband. The kid is testing the boundaries with you both, and so far the kid is winning. Kid's NEED boundaries, need rules. And NEED to learn that there's SOO MANY things in life you dont like or want to but, but just HAVE to do. The easiest solution to ME is the minute he threatens to hit either of you, Hit Him and say you mean like that?? IM the parent, IM in charge, NOT YOU! DONT EVER threaten Me. You will do as we say or you wont do at all. Can you tell Im an older parent? My kids are adults now, but we NEVER nor did my parents EVER take shit from any of our kids. We all turned out just fine and NO It's NOT abuse. Its called disciplin, and it's exactly what is needed in todays generation.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 10:14 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I do have children, but not quite that age yet. Just offering what I can here. Sounds like he rounds you guys over, but he wouldn't be able to do that if you didn't allow it. This is what a friend of mine did with her son. All those fun things he has, video games, toys, tv, etc., she took them all away and made them earn them back one at a time. This way he understand those things were a privelige to have proving he was a good kid. good luck, I feel for you.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 10:38 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I would smack him too. I'm 36 and old school. my 13 year old tries to rule the roost. She manipulates and throws out "you don't love me your just trying to be mean to me" etc etc. but still knows when the eyebrow goes up he should go to her room or I'll bust that hiney. She's as big as me and a jr. blackbelt but when it comes down to it she won't lay a hand on me b/c she knows I AM leniant and will put up with aLOt before it comes to that.Your doing the right thing by making him follow through with orchestra. There's nothing more important than him learning to follow through with decisions he makes and you must do the same with him to teach him. When he complains in the morning take 1 thing away at a time. Until by 7:15 he has no rights to do anything that day. Grounding too long makes them feel hopeless and try less to earn their way back into good graces.At least with my girly. Good luck sista
    CHarlan

    Answer by CHarlan at 11:51 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • My husband has also pretended to call the police and charge him with verbal threats. It worked! So if your not a "spanker" Using their lack of legal knowledge can help temporarily. Kind of unusual.
    CHarlan

    Answer by CHarlan at 11:54 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I think that you should be more worried about his threats.
    Donna1941

    Answer by Donna1941 at 1:17 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Reading your post and I have no real life experience, but it reminded me of a coworker of mine who was at her wits end with similar issues with her teenage boy and to put him in his place he came home one day and there was two clean outfits and mattress and he was told that he had two choices he could find a way to buy new stuff or he could earn it back by being respectful, going to school and so forth. I think she also played some games with groceries (not starving him but suddenly if he was hungry the only thing he could snack on were eggs and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches) . He was terrible for a week because he wasn't going to give in and then he caved like a puppy.

    hotelmom123

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 3:04 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

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