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4 Bumps

My husband doesnt understand.....

Ok so this is probably gonna cause arguements.. pelase dont bash.. BUT for the last year I have been having a emotional affair with a good friend... my husband knows it.Hes getting to the point where i cant do anything anymore. yes i understand why he is a bit controlling.. bc of the lack of trust. but seriously He keeps pestering me on trying to prove to him that it isnt more than emotional. he wants me to stop all contact with this person. Since this person and i have mutal friends its hard not to stop talking to him all together.
My husband doesnt understand why I have done what ive done. he keeps turning it around on me. ... I have told him that I have felt neglected for a very long time. and that anything he does isnt helping. he will avoid all confortations, he will text me instead of telling me how he feels to my face. when we actually do talk i never yell or raise my voice. .. he has always been that way, to everyone, to afraid to say it to anyone face to face. He holds a lot in and i nver know what and how hes feeling... He never is home, doesnt appriacte anything i do. btw im a SAHM. - - - OH i tried going to a marriage class (8wks long) but he started to slack., i put the effort in but he kept on with excuses.
any suggestions?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on Mar. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • When you make effort and the other person is passive aggressive avoiding what can and what might happen you are going to have to figure out for yourself if this relationship is worth saving maybe try counseling again and you should also consider people who are passive aggressive seldom do confrontation how much are you willing to put up with and do you think it will change and get better I would sit down and figure out if this is a yes or a no?
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:52 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • IF you still love your husband....At this point I would tell him look.. This is what I NEED from you. If i can not get this from you I WILL have to get it elsewhere. I do not believe that an affair of any kind is a good idea but i do understand how it can get to that point, If you truly want your marriage to work, you need to give him an ultimatum and stick to it. Tell him you will drop the guy, and see if your hubby can step up and give you what you need. If at the end of the month or whatever, if your still not happy then you need to leave. It will only get worse. If your not happy you need to find happiness. Life is too short to waste another day. Good luck
    JenzAmomOf2

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 10:53 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Maybe there is something there with him that has caused him to respond how he does and he knows no other way...........Everyone is different in their ways of communicating, and if my husband/boyfriend was talking/emotionally attached to someone else I would not even be talking to him. For what purpose you have made it clear that you have been talking to someone else and he has told you he no longer wants you to talk to him do you blame him...........I think you need to cut all ties with him sit down and decide what you want and if it is your husband you have a lot to be forgiven for. I in no way blame him for being how he is, I would be the same way just as far away as I could
    buttonlts

    Answer by buttonlts at 10:57 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Is this guy more important then your husband? I think you need to make a choice and if you can't live without the guy then you need to leave your husband. I do not blame him for not trusting you. If he did it to you then you would probally feel the same way. If you husband is worth it to you then you should try coulseling again, maybe he slacked because he felt you were still talking to the guy and it wasn't doing any good.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Ouch! This one hurts. You may need some time apart to actually recover from this. And you definitely need to stop all contact with the person you're having the affair with. Yes, I understand you feeling dissatisfied in your marriage, but you have to wear the responsibility for this one. You should never have turned to another to get what you wanted, needed but was missing from your husband. You should have either left him before OR let him go to be with someone whom he does make happy. Darling, you're being unfair to yourself and your husband and the person you're in an emotional relationship with. Only you can stop this. You gotta choose. I feel bad for you being in a lackluster marriage, but I also feel bad for your husband. I hope you snap-to and stop hurting your marriage, your husband and yourself.
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 11:10 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I wanted to mention that i am 8 months prego. My husband doesnt understand sometimes that I dont feel like myself, i feel fat, I am constantly tired and I feel like im doing all the work around the house. I get nothing.. as in a thank u or even help to keep it maintained.. I am starting the nesting stage. LOL and it drives me crazy. My friend has alwaysbeen there for me and makes me feel like im a good mother, a good person. but yet my husband keeps putting me down about EVEYTHING,, he has told me that im needy. that im lazy, and that im selfish....we have a 2 yr old daughter. and im sorry but she wears me out during the day so when he comes home at 7pm im exhausted!!!

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:13 AM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • sounds like you want to be with the other guy. you need to do them what makes you happy but it is not fair to your husband. have you ever thought that maybe he gets angry with you because of what you did and has a hard time getting past it, he knows that you are there home all day and can sit and talk to the other guy. What is it that the other guy wants? the other guy may just think that it is fun and doesn't want anything long term. So any marriages break up over emotional affairs, if you believe your husband is that bad of a guy then you need to leave. But have you guys sat and really talked about why this happened? how he feels? why you did it? and ways to try to reconnect. Good luck to you!!!
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 12:12 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I have tried to talk to him about how he feels., how it happened, and what we can doto make things better. but yet at the same time he comes back and puts it in my face on how ive done wrong,, just me... nothing about what he thinks hes done or know of. I try to talk to him.. and tell him how i feel but at the same time i dont get much in return bc hes not opening up to me. Its VERY hard for him to let out how he feels. unless its over text. bc he says thats a way for me to not argue with him. whcih i try not to but in away i need to defend myself on somethings.
    matter of fact out of no where he sent me 3 links to my phone on emotional affairs... i asked where did this come from. as in why out of the blue is he bringing this up?? he couldnt answer that. he said he dodnt want to argue with me but yet has been blowing my phone up all day about this... im so stressed out. and tired of getting this put all on me.. :'(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:18 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • if you want send me a pm and we can talk.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 1:52 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

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