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Question about marriage....

What would you do if your fiance said he thinks marriage is nothing more than a ceremony and a contract. What do you think marriage means? He says he is commited and he already considers us family. He wants to be together but never wants to get married. What would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Mar. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • Question why he proposed. This is something important to me - I wouldn't consider staying with someone who would never marry me. It's much more than just a piece of paper to me.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 12:06 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • It is a legal piece of paper that entitles YOU and your children to make life altering decisions if he's in medical need. It's also a piece of paper that give's you the first right to his estate and belongings and insurance $$ if he dies. If it's No big deal go to the justice of the peace or courthouse and make it legal in the Govt's eyes so if the unexpected happens you get what your entitled to as the legal spouse.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 12:07 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • If it were important to me, I think I would have a very long talk with him. If you want to get married and he does not, either you have to be okay with your current arrangement or you need to find someone with the same goals you have. It's a tough situation. Also, if he's not interested in getting married, you might want to stop calling him your fiance.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 12:07 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • To me marriage is ALOT more then just a peice of paper....it's us telling the world and God that we are commited to each other and only each other....I think if Richie (DH) had told me that he never wanted to get married, we wouldnt be together now...but that's just me
    Lucky209

    Answer by Lucky209 at 12:07 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • it means he doesn't want to get married. period.
    then on the other hand, if that's all marriage is, a ceremony and a contract, then why not do it to make you happy? if he used the word 'contract', then he doesn't want the legal committment, IMO.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:07 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I agree it is nothing but a ceremony and contract. I am more "married" to my SO now than I ever was through 2 real marriages. You don't need marriage to have commitment. NOW if you want to have kids perhaps morally for you being married is important and that is the only circumstance where I agree (as far as society is concerned) with marriage. I think it IS VERY important to date someone who is on the same page. If YOU want to be married then you shouldn't be dating a guy who feels that way because he probably isn't going to change his mind then at some point you become the "nagging" girlfriend and you feel alienated that he won't marry you. I have a girlfriend in this very situation.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 12:09 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Honestly, I feel the same way your fiance does. However, if he's your fiance, apparently he DID propose to you, which makes no sense if he doesn't consider marriage important. I did get married, but really, only because of the legal aspect of it (making medical decisions, tax break, stuff like that). To me, I was already 100% committed to the relationship beforehand, I didn't need a piece of paper to make that happen. I also did it because my DH wanted to get married. If it makes no difference to your fiance either way, I don't see why he doesn't just do it to make YOU happy...
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 12:10 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • That's a fairly accurate assessment. Marriage is nothing to be entered into lightly, but if you're already living together as a family, then the only difference would be some fairly important legal rights. Marriage offers a whole host of legal rights and benefits that you won't get otherwise, and some can be really important. As a wife, I have a right to handle any and all of my husband's affairs. Prior to marriage, I could not. What if someone becomes seriously ill or dies? Here's a site that gives you an overview of some of the important legal benefits marriage will give you. http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/marriage-rights-benefits-30190.html
    FluffyMamaBunny

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 12:13 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Then he isn't a fiancĂ©. As one actually has to be planning on marrying to be called a fiancĂ©.

    Guess since he has the milk, why buy the cow.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Well, I personally think that marriage is only a legal thing. I'm married, but we just got married to make things official so our families wouldn't disown us for moving in together. Plus, tax time is a little easier (from what I've heard from friends who file separately), and it will be easier for me to be on his insurance once he can afford to add me to it after his next promotion. The relationship is what's important, IMO, not a piece of paper that says you're together.
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 12:17 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

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