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cheating question continued

I put up a quesiton about my having slept with someone else way before my husband and I were married-but husb and I were dating. Well my husband knows I had to talk to him about it even though it happened like 8 years ago I kept thinking about it from time to time. I feel like a piece of sh*t, he says he shoud get to sleep with someone else. I know I was the one who caused all this trouble in doing something I shouldn't have, is this the answer though?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Nov. 26, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • You weren't married, it happened eight years ago so that is a BS answer for him to give you about sleeping with someone else, MEN!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • No, that is not the answer, it will only cause further problems.

    The answer is for the two of you to talk about it like adults, he needs to realize that you did not have to tell him what happened 8 years ago, and if he refuses to do that, maybe counseling is in order.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 1:53 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Why does this continue to come up? It was 8 years ago. Since then you've gotten married, been honest, etc. First of all you need to forgive yourself. Did you recently come clean, is that why it's an issue now? Tell him that it is because you are married and you love him so much you wanted to be honest, and you recognize he's hurt by this, but it's not an excuse to break marriage vows. You can't change the past, and obviously you wouldn't do that now or you wouldn't have told him. If you feel you must explain more about your state of mind to him at the time, that might be a fair request for him to understand that things are not the same now. He's just acting like a baby. Try to find a way to finalize this issue - it really doesn't ever need to be brought up again.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:59 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • It's not he answer. It will definitely cause more problems. He needs to understand that it's not about a tit for tat, it's about understanding and forgiveness. Either he can forgive you or he can't. Two wrongs don't make a right. And you definitely need to forgive yourself.

    Answer by beckcorc at 2:08 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • it was brought up again by me..cause I was doign a lot of thinking about stupid things I did in the past and that one is so awful to me that I had to tell him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • If he really wanted to sleep with someone else just to get back at you or to get even, is that the type of relationship you really want to be in?

    Answer by SarahShirey at 2:23 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • it's not like you were married and he is now with you. does his vows not mean anything? well i would say if you want to commit adultery then i should be able to do the same. he'll say you already slept with someone but then you say yeah but it wasn't adultery. please he is just being stupid and it's not going to make right what i think was never really cheating anyway. i mean didn't he sleep with someone before you guys dated. so maybe when he was dating you he didn't sleep with someone but if he could have maybe he would of. you had every right to sleep with someone else if all you were doing was dating. i posted an answer to your previous question i was the only one to that point that disagreed with all the other ladies.

    Answer by melody77 at 2:44 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • thanks a lot for the help

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • if he thinks thats the right answer, then maybe you should ask urself if HE has been faithful.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • If he wants to use this as an excuse to have an affair, you have to ask yourself how much he really cares about you and your marriage. Marriage isn't a oneupmanship or a game. There should be no "getting even", which is what is sounds like he wants to do. if he does this, you are both going to lose this game he's playing.

    Answer by sandra1023 at 6:16 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

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