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I think I'm right

My ex sees our DD one weekend a month. He could have gotten EOW but said it would be too much to drive that much because he lives 4 hours away (even though he is here in our town almost every weekend to see his friends). Anyway, our court order says that he gets her from friday at 3 till Sunday at noon. The problem is, he doesn't get off work till 5 or 6 so by the time he get here it's like 10 pm and as our dd is 3, she is sleeping, so I said he can pick her up Sat morning at 8 pm. Now he is saying that he wants his mother to pick her up at 3 (she never takes care of her and my dd hardly knows her). I have right of first refusal so I don't HAVE to do this and I don't feel that I should. Why should my dd go be with someone she doesn't know instead of spending time with me? Plus this is parental visitation not grandparent visitation (which doesn't exist in our state). Am I right?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Mar. 25, 2011 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • ..I know that I wouldn't let anyone pick up my son other than his dad and it was put in our visitation order that he had to have him at all times or I could refuse the next visitation...I think that as long as you have right of refusal everything will be okay... also in our state if they were more than an hour late, I didn't have to let my son go that weekend at you may want to check your states guidelines...if visitation says that dad picks up your DD then that is the way it is. You know what is better for your daughter, just make sure your decisions are for your daughter and not to make it harder on your ex. Good Luck hun.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 3:38 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I think it could be a good opportunity for her to get to know her grandmother.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:36 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Why not give her the oppurtunity to get to know her grandmother???

    Answer by skittles1108 at 4:01 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • At least her father is trying to spend time with his daughter. Do you have a problem with your daughter spending time with her Grandparents until her father is off work? I think its a good thing - at least he is working and wanting to spend time with her. My child's dad lived within a mile from us and never came to see him. Good luck!

    Answer by normasue2 at 9:04 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Please, please don't let your precious baby be exposed to that kind of influence that the grandma is exhibiting: you'll sleep better, trust me. You are your child's guardian and guide, I gladly say trust your instincts on this one, DD needs you!

    normasue: did you think about what was best for Anon's baby? imagine the bad vibes that Anon's DD would just be soaking in and having a bad example from, scared and practiacally alone, when she could just as easily stayed at home wrapped in mama's warm, comforting arms.

    Answer by Twinklights at 4:29 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I personally wouldn't have an issue with my child spending time with their grandparents. Maybe she doesn't do it your way but, she will survive for a few hours and at least she won't have to get up at 10 pm to go with her Dad. I thought First right of refusal was for an 8 hours period anyways. 3-10 is 7 hours. Or maybe you can drop her off at Grandmas after dinner then it will only be for a few hours.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:49 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I think that you should let the grandmother come and spend some time with her, to get to know her. Then you wouldn't feel so odd about letting her pick your dd up. She should know her grandparents on both sides anyway, IMO. If he stays with his mom for visitation, then that would make alot of sense to me actually. I understand where you are coming from, but your dd may benefit from knowing her grandmother also. Good Luck!

    Answer by KennsWifey at 10:55 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I think Your being selfish and difficult. Give the man his once a month visitation. It's his daughter too. Did you ever stop to think about her needs?The guy is serving his country and all you can think of is the laws that give you the decision to be IMO neglectful to your daughters needs. I've been divorced for 10 years and have always let her dad see her whenever they want. She goes to nana's aunts camping beach trips whatever with no time frames because she needs him too and those things are good for her. The kids of divorced parents need all the love and nurturing they can get whether you personally like the peeps or not. Don't bite off your own nose to spite your face.

    Answer by CHarlan at 11:31 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • It is only a BENEFIT to the child if the grandmother is a good inflence . Do we want the baby to "survive" because of the parent's bad decision? I would we want what is BEST for the daughter not anyone else. The child is not going to understand that she has to deal with all this for the fact of the grandmother title. She should be acting like a grandmother if she expects to get the respect of one.

    Answer by Twinklights at 11:43 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • You are right.

    If DD didn't know her, I wouldn't let her take her.

    It's his responsibility to get her. I would offer to meet him halfway. If he wants to be in her life, no matter how little that may be, I would do what I could to give her that time with her dad.
    Once, she gets older, she can make the decision on whether dad really wants time with her and let her decide how she feels about him.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 3:36 PM on Mar. 25, 2011