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4 Bumps

Friend wants to call me and discuss her PPD....And I don't want to hear it!

I went through PPD myself after my son, and never called anyone to help me get through the day. I had my husband to lean on and my baby to take care of. We live 40 miles away from our entire family and rarely get to see them. She lives with her mother, husband, 2 kids, and has six best friends on the same block as her. All of her family lives within a ten mile radius of her. I live over an hour away.
A little background info, we used to work together and I was sort of her boss (I had a lot of seniority but no actual title) and she was pretty much the bottom of the totem pole. I helped her get jobs that she enjoyed and could prove herself by doing, and she has always appreciated it.
Fast forward to last year, and my husband and I moved out of state for his new job. It has been over a year since I saw her, but she still calls me regularly with gossip about our old job, people we worked with and so on. EVERY single time she has called me she talks non-stop and I pretty much say "Yea" "Uh-huh" "Um" "Well.." until she is done, then she hangs up. It is kind of a joke between my husband and me that "we" never talk, she does all the talking. It has gone so far that she doesn't even know that I am pregnant (and I am five months along) because my husband suggested, as a joke, that I not tell her until she says "So whats up with you?" or something to that effect. She NEVER has, but the joke was over long ago. I don't know how to tell her now!
So now she has called me again. I wasn't able to answer the phone, because I was actually getting my first ultrasound at the time, so she left a message. The message was that she wanted to be able to call me whenever (including the middle of the night) to talk because she was having a really hard time. I am sorry for her, I've been there myself. But she has her husband, mom and everybody close to her to talk to. I have a very uncomfortable pregnancy to deal with ( I know she doesn't know, but that doesn't change it. She wouldn't care if she did) I have been sick every day since I was two weeks pregnant, I have heartburn and insomnia every night that keep me awake and uncomfortable, and my ten month old son is teething and grouchy as a bear every day from it. My husband is having problems at his job, my Dad is sick, my sister is homeless, and I have MORE than enough on my own plate! I haven't called her back and I don't know if I should...... My husband has wanted me to dump her for the longest time because of issues like this, but for some reason I just can't. It's like she's the only connection to the life I had before pregnancy and motherhood.
Please, does this make me a bad person? I feel so guilty about NOT calling her, but I REALLY don't want to get into it.....Please help.....Thanks :)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Mar. 25, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I know people like this, exactly like this. That is so typical, you are 5 months preggers and she has no idea b/c it's all about her and her meaningless drama. With my friends like this, the more i ignore, the less they call, eventually they find someone else to dump on. If you were her only friend in the world it still wouldn't be your responsibility to entertain her by giving her an ear. She is an energy vampire. Let her go. You are the connection to your old life. Your memories, ect. Your husband is right. Notice guys don't ever sit around and let others make them miserable. Think about the solution, not the problem. Especially when you are having a hard time in your own personal life right now. You need nurturing, and support, not another energy sucker. I hope things look up for you soon, congrats on your pregnancy! I am sure you know the phase that your little one is going through will be over soon! Good luck mama!
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 4:10 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I don't mean to sound rude, but if you feel this way, then you aren't actually her friend, the most you could say you are is an acquaintance. If you are actually a person's true friend then you would want to help her no matter whether or not you thought she had plenty of support already. Just think about it.

    Kelly502

    Answer by Kelly502 at 3:46 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • You are not a bad person or selfish for having your own stuff to deal with.
    But I have also had PPD and just because you have a ton of people around you doesn't mean they get it. Sometimes having all those people not getting it makes it worse then just having one person who does. Maybe you can suggest she find a counselor as you currently have a lot going on.
    mslksdh

    Answer by mslksdh at 3:44 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Have you tried to speak up and tell her about yourself? Sometimes talkers just need to fill the gaps. I am a talker and I try to make an effort to ask questions because I am a good listener I just need someone to speak up so I know when to listen. maybe you call her back and say that you got her message and you have several things going on that you havent had the chance to tell her. Then proceed to tell her about your pregnancy and such. You don't have to let her call you whenever she wants you can say the you and your husband have a no phone calls after 10 policy. Ask her if she has talked to her mom of husband about her depression. You cna even joke and say we always end up talking about the office and what you have going on and Ihavent had the chance to tell you I'm 5 months preg. She may start to realize that she isnt letting you speak.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 3:45 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • No, this doesn't mean you are a bad person. You have a lot on your plate and you need to concentrate on what's going on in your life. It seems that your old friend was only a person that wanted you to hear what was going on in her life and couldn't careless about yours. I had a so-called associate that was the same way. Cut her out of your life and concentrate on what's really important...G/L
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:44 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Jackie~ love the word energy vampire! I used to be friends with one of those and she sucked my dry and I had to move on. I run into her and i feel awkward but I'm glad Im not pressured by her anymore.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 4:21 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Tell her I have heard enough today or when she starts going on and on get a whistle and blow it when she stops talking say wow I never thought I was going to get a word in edge wise. Just tell her the truth it all seems one sided.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:41 PM on Mar. 25, 2011