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5 Bumps

Talk me out of this please *UPDATE* adult content

I am confused as hell right now. I am married but my marriage is in a horrible place. I am only staying because I have no where to go, no family, no friends, no money, I have nothing. I cant force my kids to leave on the streets because daddy and mommy can't work things out. I am still very good friends with my first love. He is also married, but he's unhappy as well. But he stays because he's wife is pregnant. Yes, our spouses know we are still friends.
My ex is the only guy that has ever made me feel good about myself, that treated me right. I think back and try to remember the last time I was truly happy (besides when it comes to my kids) and it's always memories of him.
I don;t know, I guess I am finally at the lowest point of my life right now. I am not happy at all. I hate being in this marriage but it isn't as easy getting out as everyone says it is. We are playing with the idea with friends with benefits, we both admit we still have feeling for each other. We are truly soul mates that just didnt stay with each other and didnt end up with each other. I dont know what to do right now. Being with him sounds so great and tempting but I can't do it. I can't ruin a marriage on top of me wanting out of my own marriage. I guess I just need advice. We've been friends for 10 years and I don't think i could live without him in my life. He's has always been there for me . He was there when I went through the worse times of my life. I need advise ladies on what to do. I am not going to sleep with him and I told him that I said I want us both out of our marriage before I would want anything to happen between us.

 

We broke up because of me. I was feelign confused and wanted to branch out a little bit. Try to find myself. Find the person I was without him. We started dating when we were preteens and close to adulthood. I thought I loved my husband when we got pregnant and married but I am unsure now. My ex never treated me bad.

My husband refuses to seek counseling. Thinks there is nothing wrong with our relationship when I continue to tell him there is a lot wrong.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Mar. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • hes an ex for a reason though..... and the grass isnt always greener on the other side idk what to tell you OP but the best of luck to you
    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 4:53 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Don't know what to say, hard situation. Bump.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:54 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Why don't you both get divorced then decide to be a couple? Grass is always greener ....
    kaylan010

    Answer by kaylan010 at 4:55 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I beleve that "staying for the kids" can be a bad choice. It kinda like showing them what their future relationships are going to be like, and misery and/or fighting is normal. I think you should consider independence. Take the steps now, while your in the safty net of your husband. Then after sometime of flying solo, you can consider the ex-love. I think if your dependent on your husband, and you may be dependent on your old love, you may find yourself in the same boat as you are now if it dosnt work out.
    babyweight

    Answer by babyweight at 4:59 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Do not be the other woman! If this guy could step out on his pregnant wife, then he is not a trustworthy person. That being said, I know there can be circumstances that we don't know about. But he got her pregnant, he needs to at least see that through to the end. You should definitely both leave your spouses before anything happens. I went through the same thing, no job, no money, no car. But I got myself a part time job (talked the ex into letting me), then convinced him to get this awesome car he'd been wanting, then I had a car and a job that they were willing to let me go full time and I took my soon and went to my mom's. I gained confidence being away and then the custody battle insued. It's not easy at all, but it can be done. Once you get that part over with, then you can focus on a new relationship with this new guy. One thing at a time though, & always put the kids first. Kids don't benefit from a loveless marriage.
    Jeannie721

    Answer by Jeannie721 at 5:05 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • gee honey that is a tough one . lets see . you are unhappy . is your hubby unhappy also ? so that is two of you that is unhappy . the children can not be happy eitther . what a mess . you are right . can you get a job ? there is help for those that want to leave . look into it. or move into a another room and live a seprate life . then after a certain period you can see about the other man . . you are right . if you have an affair with him you will not be happy either . have to change things . you need some friends to talk with . to sort this out .
    sugarsmom2

    Answer by sugarsmom2 at 5:09 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Do you ever want to make your marriage with your husband work? Why did you and your ex become ex's in the first place? And despite how unhappy everyone may be, think about your morals and how you will feel about yourself, for not only doing this to your marriage, but to his. He might be unhappy (or say he is) but his wife may be as happy as can be. Dont do it. I would really say you either need to set strict boundries that you will never ever be aloud to be alone together, or even better just take some time apart, maybe focus the energy you want to be putting into things with your ex, into your own marriage, and maybe you can build your marriage back up and be happy with what you have. The grass isnt always greener on the other side. Although the fantasy can be alluring, the reality never ends up being nearly as wonderful.
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 5:13 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Staying for the kids is a hard reason to be there I know I have done it for ten years. I would ask myself how this helps them and like I did I went back to school and started working. To be able to leave now I go back to school for welding and will be certified in nine months. You should take some time and think how you could make it happen if your not happy and move on. Make a plan go back to school get a pt job anything that can help you?

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:20 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Commiting adultery is just adding insult to injury. Why don't you and your spouse get couseling and find out what the real problem is? Obviously you had to love something about him to marry him. I found out when you search hard enough the coals are still burning you just need to stir them up. prayers for your marriage.
    ptomom678

    Answer by ptomom678 at 9:18 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I am sort of in a similar place. Good luck. Follow your gut.
    wanderingmuse

    Answer by wanderingmuse at 10:32 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

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