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I can't even believe this! (vent plus advice needed)

Ok so my normally mild mannered ds just hit my 3 year old dd who hit him. She only hits ds and when she does it's more like a "Hey, pay attention" thing. She gets mad when ds ignores her. She doesn't actually cause harm. We have told both kids to keep their hands to themselves. Well, I asked ds why he hit her because they normally get along very well. He told me, (now get this) that his grandmother(my mom) told him that he should "think before hitting" his little sister and ds said he "forgot the 'think' part". So he thought she was saying it was ok to hit dd if he just thought about it. He was totally honest with me. Dd was crying and he said "I hit her." I couldn't believe my ears. His grandmother has ALWAYS liked him but not dd and this just takes the cake. I have disciplined both kids(time outs) and told both of them it's not ok to hit anyone no matter what. My question is, What to say to my mom because I'm furious with her!!!!!!!! I'm worried ds will repeat this in school. Last week he was hit several times by an older boy at school......what if he thinks it's ok to hit back because of his grandmother's words?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Mar. 25, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • I don't believe she was going for that reaction.. more like "think about what will happen if you hit her" kinda thing.. but that's just me
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 5:36 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I would let her know that she needs to leave the parenting to you. Even if she wasn't trying to do harm, the harm was done. I would be upset as well, especially since he hasn't hit her before. Why would grandma even feel the need to talk to him about hitting his sister if he wasn't hitting in the first place.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 5:39 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I agree with Zoe...I would not think she meant "Think about it before you hit, and if it still seems like a good idea, you just go on ahead."

    I would assume she meant think about the consequences and how it will affect the other person.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 5:39 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I agree that she most probably meant think about it so you don't act hastily and so you stop yourself from hitting. I have heard that said many times to kids and they are not old enough to understand. It is over used and not explained.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:43 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • You know that saying,"What happens at Grandma's, stays at Grandma's"? I have a feeling there's a lot of stuff that goes on there that she never tells me. I've told her several times in the past that I'm the parent, not her and she rolls her eyes and makes a nasty remark. Not sending the kids to her house doesn't work either, she gets even more mad at me then. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation no matter what I do with her. Sorry for the language.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:49 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Umm... I think you misunderstood her intent. Think before you do something is something we teach the kids in our ES class. We don't mean Think THEN DO IT. We mean, think what will happen IF you do it. I think you should explain it to him as that was what she meant as this was most likely her intent.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:52 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I did explain that to ds, but how to explain it to Grandma is my question. I can see why ds thought what he thought from her words. I would have thought the same thing at that age, that is IF that's what Grandma meant.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:56 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Honestly, do you really care if she gets mad at you? If I were in your situation and she could not respect the fact that I am the parent my kids would not visit her. You don't have to let a grandparent cause problems in your life.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 6:43 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • You can talk to her about it, it doesn't have to be done in a "I'm the parent" kinda way. How about "hey mom you will not believe what DS said and did....." when you are done telling her the story casually throw in about maybe explaining a little better cause it's obvious your son took it a little literally.

    This was one of those things that in a year you will look back on and laugh, why make it into a bigger deal then it is?
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 10:03 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

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