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How to discipline two kids that are not biological mine?

The biological mother is not really in the picture. She is an addict of two major addictions. I have a daughter that is 13 and want to raise her well and when I try to discipline, give rules, chores, and curfew to my step daughters they just scream at me. They have never had discipline or structure before and their father is never home because he is a workaholic. I think because now that I am the stay at home mother of four kids now I should be the authoritive parent and discipliner. Please help me cuz it is stressing me out. These kids need help before it is too late.

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Asked by Apryl9 at 6:08 PM on Mar. 25, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (36 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Discipline them like you do your own child. Make sure they understand your rules, your expectations, and the consequences. And I would slowly show them you mean business that YOU are now in charge. Good Luck

    Answer by meooma at 6:16 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • It's hard, especially if they throw the whole "you're not my REAL mom" comments your way.... Honestly, I think you need your husband to step in. Have him tell them that while they live under YOUR roof, they need to obey by YOUR rules. Have him point out that the rules apply to everybody, including your own daughter. But since he's their biological father, I think he's the one who needs to step up and support you.

    Answer by Anouck at 6:19 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Thank you for the advice but the problem I am having is that my husband doesnt back me up. He tells me NOT to talk to his kids, nor tell his kids to do chores, even though they all know the set rules, and it not followed there is consequences. The only sad thing is that he lets his oldest (not really his, its his step daughter from his ex) get away with everything, She doesnt do her chores, nor homework, she is failing high school, does drugs/sex. I think she is the role model to the younger girls. I dont know why my husband protects his kids. I discipline my daughter if she doesnt do her chores, or does her homework or gets good grades. When my daughter gets punished, my husbands kids laugh at my daughter and says you are grounded. I think he needs to support me. He keeps saying it will take time, it already has been 9 months we have been together...How long do I have to wait?

    Comment by Apryl9 (original poster) at 6:30 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Wow... no offense, but your husband is an ass. And as long as he doesn't support you, his children won't give you any kind of respect. Why should they, if their dad doesn't? This puts the blame squarely on HIS shoulders, not theirs. I'm sorry... :(

    Answer by Anouck at 6:34 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I'd be putting a foot down with the husband. If you are expected to care for HIS children then I would damn make sure that those children did as I said. If the 2 of you don't get things straight then you ill have nothing but issues. Marriage is a partnership, if he doesn't want a partner and doesn't help and support you....I know I wouldn't put up with it.

    I can understand where the kids never had structure.....but they could now. Sit the man down and tell him, you're wither with me or against me. Pick a side because I will not be treated this way any longer by you or your kids.


    Answer by how_reb at 6:39 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Well this is something your husband is going to have to help you with. Those are his kids, and they are not going to listen to you or give you any respect just because you married their dad. I speak from experience. My kids have had step moms and they almost always treated them badly. In fact I asked my oldest dd recently why? She said it was her God given right to do so, and in school kids even tell each other that. That being said, your husband will have to lay down the rules and tell them what is expected and what is not. Depending on their age trying to be their mom might not happen either. My own husband came into our marriage and my dd was 13. He is more her friend then dad. He has gotten 110% more respect for just being an adult in her life to help her then any step parent I have known.

    Answer by gemgem at 6:48 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • You need to have a serious talk with your husband. If he does not back you up, then there is not much that is every going to be accomplished. His kids need to have the same rules as your daughter! If you can't get him to back you, it will continue like it is now or get worse. I would tell him "you are either with me or against me" and remind him that you are the one that is home all the time with the kids, they should follow your rules! I wish you the best - Good luck!

    Answer by Tawneekitn at 6:52 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • You two need to sit down and have the same rules for all the kids. It doesn't matter from whom they come. They all live under your roof now and they should abide by the rules of the house. You and your husband need to be united on this. Seek counseling if you have to. you are headed for disaster if it stays as you have described. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 7:34 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Thank thank so much. Yes we are going to counseling but it seems like when the counselor tells us to do something he wont go home and do it. He tells me all the time that "This is his kids house, I built this house for them"...It hurts me knowing that if he loves me and my kids than he needs not to say that. I am home taking care of his kids, picking them up from school, taking them school shopping, helping with homework, driving them to their sports, cooking them dinner and etc and I get treated like this. We have the same rules for all the kids and my daughter obeys by the rules and if not she gets in trouble. He just lets his kids slide and tells me that it will only take time.. I tell him it is so funny how when they start school and their teachers give them rules how fast they learn, and if they dont learn there is consequences. He just stares at me. He says I am TRYING TO HARD...Yeah I am cuz I care.

    Comment by Apryl9 (original poster) at 8:25 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • If they can't be respectful they will not be in my house plain n simple....

    Answer by smiley745 at 2:22 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

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