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My mom....(LONG)

has never been a great mom. Don't get me wrong she wasn't a druggie or a alcoholic but shes not just quite all there...if you get what I mean. Growing up if she did anything at my school or the band, or my softball & soccer team or at the church...it was so she looked like she was one of those mother that was involved & cared when really she didn't. She just wanted the attention & the praise. As an adult I have basically begged for her attention not for me but for my children. Don't get me wrong if I ask her to watch the kids, she will & she enjoys it...so do the kids, if i ask her to pick something up for me she will (only if its after church and she has her car...I'm getting there) but I have to pick her up because she has basically given her car to my cousin except she pays the payment and the insurance. Its driving me nuts! Growing up everyone else was more important than me. ( I am an only child) So cousins were more important & recieved the attention and the praise. It was always why can't you be like "so & so." When I got married & pregnant..hubby & I had a rough start after layoffs and stuff and within 2 weeks of living with my mom ( we had been on our own since graduation from highschool 2006) ( we moved in w/ her in2008 )she kicked us out because her sister & children& her mother needed to move in with her & they needed her more than I did......My mom can't even manage her own money. I pay her bills from her account once a month and she gets the rest to play with...which is usually 5-600 dollars...and by the second weeks shes broke. (Before she asked for my help her sisters & mother were sucking her dry of money, making her spend her money on them) Anyways...back to the cousin thing...now that my cousin is pregnant she wants to do everything she can for her even though she kicked me to the side. I was married I was in a stable relationship, he was trying to work. My cousin is in a off & on relationship with the same guy every week. It hurts that I am last and its not even so much me anymore I feel sorry for my children....I want them to have a grandmother. (Hubbys mother is not in the picture, thats another long story) Anyways like I said I hurt for my children they deserve so much more than what they are getting. Am I being too selfish? Is it wrong that for once I want my family to be put before people that are just using her? I am so thankful that I still have my granny to be with my kids. My granny is everything to me if it wasn't for her I don't I know what a good mother would be. But my granny won't be here forever...Hubby wants to right her off but I know that when it comes that my mom needs help no one will be there for even though she has been there for them. And because even though I don't like her at times she is my mother and I do love her I will be there. I just needed to vent....sorry so long...any advice is welcomed!

Thanks ladies

Answer Question
 
rebel07

Asked by rebel07 at 9:50 PM on Mar. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,231 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Well, I probably won't be much help to you but anyway here goes...I absolutely dispise my mother. I have the tie that binds, deep in my heart it will always be there but at this time in my life, I have no contact with her. I have gone 40 some years trying to get her to see what a good person Iam and nothing I ever did was good enough. I have a younger sis who is completely irresponsible yet she is mommy's lil 37 yr old baby who can do no wrong. So i can identify with your situation. I just decided, I prefer to stay away from her negativity, drama, and BS. She still calls but I have not taken her since December and I don't intend to. She knows why I won't take her calls, she spoke to my dh about it. So I figure my silence is the best way to make think more about the way she has treated me. She may go to her grave with regret but I will not. Good Luck hon. Im here if you want to talk. Im going to bed now, be back tomorrow.
    darter

    Answer by darter at 10:04 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I don't have any advice because I have a simular mother but if she doesn't want to be a grandmother to your children I wouldn't force it. They be better off with out her. You can be the loving role model she cannot. Kids don't have to have grandmothers. Just an opioion. Good luck.
    Liamsmom09

    Answer by Liamsmom09 at 10:06 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • she is your mother and she as badly as I hate to say it is not going to change not this late in the game. I learned my lesson the hard way and decided to stop trying to change people accept them for who they are or get them out of my life. You have to decide how important taking care of her money matters and such are to you. I think I would just see her like other people do their distant folks you know and let the ones that she takes care of, tell her she has to take care of herself or have them do it. But you are for your peace of mind going to have to just visit and be relaxed with your children no more no less.
    ky_phoenix

    Answer by ky_phoenix at 10:09 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I have a good relationship with my parents. When all of my grandparents were alive, I had a good relationship with them as well. I didn't see my grandparents too often because they lived too far away. I considered some of the older people in my church more like my grandparents. They were wonderful people and good examples. I loved them just as much as they loved me. There are some wonderful older folks out there who are lonely and miss their family, or they have a big and loving heart and think nothing of giving their love away to someone else.
    dustbunny

    Answer by dustbunny at 10:12 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

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