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How can I get the bio dad to sign over complete parental rights on his behalf?

I have a 5 yr old son whom my husband wants to adopt, but we can't due to the bio dad. The bio dad has not been a part of the child's life for 4 1/2yrs now with the exception of child support which has been late a few times already. The bio dad got processed out of the Navy this past November and does not have a job of any kind, lives with his brother in California, does not make any effort to keep contact with the child whatsoever even though he has been given opportunities especially one recently when I called a number that was written on a card he surprisingly sent with the March child support payment and let the child talk to him. The child has no clue who the man is and the bio dad says it's daddy and daddy loves you or whatever he decideds to say. The child says no my daddy is here (my husband). The bio dad has not called or returned attempted calls made by me for the child to talk to him in over a month.The last time he talked to him was about 2 years ago now and the child just cried and pushed the phone away. The child has a developmental delay and speech delay which he attends preschool special education for currently and I am taking that and his well being into consideration when dealing with this situation. It is best for my son to have the bio dad just sign over rights since he's obviously not being a father to him at all and the child support only comes because it's ordered. I want to find out a way I can get this taken care of without the bio dad's consent if possible since I'm sure he might say no just to be a pain in the butt like usual. He only wants to get in contact with the child on his own time and when he chooses and being a 5 year old child it isn't good for some man the child knows to come in and out as the man pleases when it can make the child relapse on improvements with his diability and emotionally as well. I need serious advice please and no bashing. I'm trying my best to do what is best for my son. Please keep in mind the bio dad is my exhusband as well whom I divorced due to domestic violence toward my son and I while I was married to him. Thank you in advance!! It means alot.

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shortmommy23

Asked by shortmommy23 at 10:30 PM on Mar. 25, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 14 (1,406 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • You really need to contact a family law attorney to help you out. There are ways around it but you have to see someone professionally in order to do so.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 10:38 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • I agree. You need to contact an attorney that handles terminations and adoptions. I use to work for a law firm that handles these matter and it happens everyday. If the Father will not voluntarily surrender you will need to file a Petition to terminate parental rights and then Petition for Adoption. The court may involve a Guardian ad litem(attorney for child) to interview the child and the father and then they will announce to the court what the best interest of the child is. From my experience, it is in the best interest of the child to Terminate Rights and let your husband adopt him. There is no father/child relationship and he basically abandoned the child by not staying in contact with the child even if it was letters, cards, or phone calls. It's not cheap but it well worth every penny. Good Luck.
    tgeary

    Answer by tgeary at 11:27 PM on Mar. 25, 2011

  • Hugs !! I agree with the above. One of the best things you can do is to let the attorney take care of this. This is not a battle you need to fight anymore- you can let go of it and turn it over. It sounds like you will have a strong case. Even though you are angry and emotional over everything ( which is understandable) just let your attorney handle it. It is very easy to feel like you have to fight all of this, but you don't. It will be what it will be and wasting your time and energy is not necessary. I learned the hard way. Acceptance is the answer to all of our problems. Accept that your ex has custody now, but things change. Keep your chin up and just enjoy this day. Keep thoughts on gratitude and focus on maintaining a positive perspective- it helps. It is the part of our mind we feed which controls us. It will all work out. Your son gets his cues from you so as long as you are OK he will be too.
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 12:02 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • The biologicial father does not have custody only visitation rights which have to go through my mom and dad. I transferred custody from myself to my parents for a little over a year because during that time the biological father was making threats of taking the child from me. Well knowing I did NOT want to lose my child and have him be with an abusive person who hit his own son and myself while him and I were together and I knew my parents would take great care of him and give him back to me after the biological father stopped being on his soap box that's when I did the hardest thing and gave them custody with visitation for myself and the biological dad didn't show for court but was automatically granted visitation upon agreement through my parents since no contest. I now have the resources and money to fight if need be but trying to avoid a big costly fight.
    shortmommy23

    Comment by shortmommy23 (original poster) at 12:22 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • The child is still in the custody of my parents currently but I go to file the petition on the 8th for custody back, I'm so excited. He still has been living with me full time though because my father had a heart attack which required him to have quadtruple bipass surgery less than a year ago so they couldn't care for him properly so I took him. He has his own room and sees his younger brother all the time now instead of just weekends, but I cannot tell the biological father because it's still legally documented that my parents have the custody and I do not want to lose my son over something so small or get anyone in trouble. I love my son and I just want whats best for him and his well being.
    shortmommy23

    Comment by shortmommy23 (original poster) at 12:24 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • my suggestion is first of all the guardian ad litem. My mom got us kids one, and my bio father signed over his rights after she investigated his home to see if he was even a fit father yet. He still maintains that his signature was "forged". Yeah...ok....
    shaysmommy5810

    Answer by shaysmommy5810 at 5:16 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • First of all stop contacting him. In most states there has to be zero contact with the child for atleast 6 mths to a year (depending on the state). He also cannot pay child support for the same amount of time. Since he was in the Navy I am guessing his support came from his income to you. If he is out now and makes no attempt to call or pay dont call, dont write, dont complain. See a lawyer after that and ask for a termination of parental rights on him. Theyll attempt to serve him, he will have to come to a hearing and explain why his rights should not be terminated.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:30 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • We live in the Commonwealth of Virginia (aka Virginia)
    shortmommy23

    Comment by shortmommy23 (original poster) at 9:56 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Contact an attorney. You cannot force him to give his rights up. To claim abandonment, there has to be NO contact with the child for a specified period of time, including cs payments. If you do file, he will have the right to go to trial and state his case, at which time a judge will decide. If he is wanting contact with his child, that's not likely that a judge will take his rights from him.
    KennsWifey

    Answer by KennsWifey at 11:11 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Have you asked him? Once he does that, you can expect to get no more child support from him.

    My cousin went through this. She asked the bio dad (BD) to give up his rights. He did put her off for a bit, but he eventually gave in and now my nephew has a daddy who is present and loves him.

    Good luck!
    kmstockwell

    Answer by kmstockwell at 11:48 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

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