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Jokes ?

I need to laugh. It has been a tough week...............

My daughter just asked me this one


a snailor


Asked by LeJane at 1:04 AM on Mar. 26, 2011 in Just for Fun

Level 27 (31,523 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona
    cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle,
    horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the "good
    old days. "Eventually the conversation moved on to their
    spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked,
    "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth
    wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are,"
    Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to
    celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered
    this for a moment, then replied, "For our twenty-fifth anniversary,
    I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I'll go down there
    and get her."


    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 1:31 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • A man came to work with 2 black eyes.Boss asked what happened.The man replied,“On Sunday,I was sitting behind a big woman @ church. When we stood up 2 sing hymns,I noticed her dress was caught in her butt crack.I tryed 2 be nice & pull it out.She turned around & punched me in the eye.”The boss asked, “Okay, so where did u get the other shiner?”the man said,“I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 1:13 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says: 'Well, that's great....that's just great..........some asshole's got my pen!'

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 1:16 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • A man and his wife were having some
    problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
    The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake
    him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote
    on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."
    The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am,
    and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
    see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper
    by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 1:21 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • While driving down the road, a man saw a van covered in dirt and on the back someone had written..." I wish my wife was as dirty as this van". Underneath that was..."She is...when you're not home".

    Answer by sonja911 at 10:15 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • there was a boy born without a body, arms legs anything. all he had was his head. for his twenty-first birthday, his fathet took him to a local pub. at the first drink, a body appeared. at the second, a left arm. then the other and then two legs. ecstatic to have a functioning body, the slightly drunk young man ran out of the bar and in front of a truck. he was killed instantly. as his father rushed outside, the barmaid turned to another customer and said "he should've quit while he was ahead" (a head).

    i'm also partial to the muffin joke. i'm sure you've heard it

    Answer by ilovemymonsterr at 2:20 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Dad (completely at random): If any of you turn gay I still want grandkids

    Answer by rosetoes at 3:59 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I heard this one today:
    Have you heard how much coke charlie Sheen had? I heard it was enough to kill 2 and a half men.

    Answer by miranda2011 at 12:39 AM on Mar. 27, 2011