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2 Bumps

Caution........contains sensitive material adult content

I was molested as a child by my father, who thankfully is dead. Anyway, I have a 2 yr old girl who loves her tummy to be rubbed. Matter of fact she demands it!! lol When I rub her tummy I start feeling icky, sick, I can't really describe it, but I know this is one more thing it seems that my F'ing father has done to me and makes me feel like that when I should be feeling contentment and joy. And yes, I have been thru all the shrinks, all the meds.....including severe panic attacks when I think I see him, when I know hes dead. Its juist too bad I couldn't have been the one to torture him and making his last breaths agony like the brain cancer did. But anyway back to the subject, is there anyone else out there that thinks or feels or whatever when they are bathing, changing the baby? I have improved alot with this situation, but its still hard. Any helpful tips or advice?
Please do not tell me to pray the lord and he will give me guidance and forgivness and all that other stuff. I prayed to the ALMIGHTY every night whenmy father came into the room and he didn't seem to help me in anyway. So he can't help me now. I am also sorry if this offended anyone, but I did caution you.
Also, I don't want anyone to bash me either or get on my case or just being mean. I am tired of it. I am putting this question out there anonymously so I don't feel weird when I am answering someones question.
I wasn't sure what category to put this in.......

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:03 AM on Mar. 26, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • Try to keep your mind on other things
    LovableFox

    Answer by LovableFox at 2:12 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Relax and focus on all the good things in your life
    LovableFox

    Answer by LovableFox at 2:12 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Remain calm
    LovableFox

    Answer by LovableFox at 2:12 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Stress only increases paranoia
    LovableFox

    Answer by LovableFox at 2:13 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I THINK I FEEL THE SAME WAY MY STEPFATHER DO THE SAME THING TO ME AND NOW I HAVE A LIL GIRL IN EVEN I KNOW I HAVE A GREAT HUSBAND SOME TIMES WHEN HE SHOWER HER IM LIKE ... CAN U LIVE HE DOOR OPER ??? WHY IS SHE CRYING ??? OR STUFF LIKE THAT SOME TIMES HE GET SOO MAD A ME BECAUSE HE LOVE HIS DAUGHTER BUT FOR ME IS REALLY HARD.... WELL MY ENGLISH IS NOT THAT GOOD SO I CANT EXPRESS MY SELF THAT WELL SORRY ABOUT THAT BUT WHAT I DO THAT HELP ME ALOT IS THAT WHEN I USE TO LIVE WITH MY MOM I HATE TAKE SHOWERS BECAUSE HE USE TO LOOK AT ME SO NOW SOMETIMES I SHOWER WITH MY DOOR WIDT OPEN AND I TAKE MY TIME THAT HELP REALYCE THAT HE IS NOT THER NO MORE SO MAYBE U CAN DO STUFF THAT U DONT USULLY DO WHEN U WAS A CHILD ...
    iveth711

    Answer by iveth711 at 2:22 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • . you r a strong person though and everything helped lead u up to this point in your life of having your beautiful child:) everything surely does happen for a reason:) i have had a similar experience i yes too have the same idiosyncrisies that just started to go away when i forgave the perpetrator and let it go.... i lived decades w/anger for what? it didnt help the situation nor did it take it away. only made me feel like crap and take out anger on my family which i feel terrible about. i would advise you to forgive your dad, hes dead, and u know what? it gave u insight to how men really are so that you would never allow that to happen to your child. thats how i think. i think, maybe if this didnt happen to me, i would be mroe lenient about who she is in care of. definaltey no man will ever be left alone with my child no matter who they r. take it as a blessing of knowledge and wisdom and love your baby,
    nperc23

    Answer by nperc23 at 2:52 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Yes it does help to know he is dead, and will never harm me or anyone else anymore. But I still hate the random thought that seems to sink into my head. But I have gotten better, that and telling DH what happend helps to when I seem get nervous when he is changing her. But I do logically know DH will never do something on that scale cause I honestly know and admit I will make him hurt really really bad!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:52 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I wish I had some advice for you. I'm so sorry you went through that and I hope maybe time will help you.
    Cosetterose

    Answer by Cosetterose at 2:58 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • In all honestly nperc23, I can't do that right now or if I ever can. He stole my childhood, half of my teen yrs. Now I suffer from PTSD or just another lable docs seem to like giving out. He has only been dead for a few short months. So alot of the stress and anxiety are gone, but when I do experiance an attack, u think I was having a heart attack cause it seems my face goes ghost white. But as forgiving, I don't know. Maybe when I am on my death bed I can perhaps forgive him
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:00 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Forgiveness isn't for the one you are forgiving. It is for YOU. You have spent all these years carrying such anger and hatred and what did it do to him? Not a damn thing. But what has it done to you??? I had a childhood similar to yours in regards to what you posted, except is wan't my father, it was another family member. You know in your heart that you aren't touching her in a bad way, but the touching makes you remember what happened to you right?

    I hope that you are able to find some peace and let the hatred go, for yourself and your daughter.
    ElenaC419

    Answer by ElenaC419 at 4:16 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

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