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11 year old step daughter who thinks I'm a b*tch

I just came home and my step daughter left her journal on my school books. There was a loose sheet of paper so I put tried to put it in the last page she written in. All of a sudden I see my name and that I'm a b*tch because I am too clean, and nag her all of the time. She also writes that even though I give her everything that she wants, I'm still a b*tch and I'm psycho. She also has played me and her Dad that she still believes in Santa, but in her journal says that she does it cause she likes the fact that she gets everything she wants. I am so upset right now, because her mom spends all the child support money on herself or bills and not for my SD. We have also bought her school clothes twice during this school year, taken her on numeous family trips andstill I am disrespected. I believe her attitude is a mirror of her mother's. Her mom couldn't even teach her how to wipe her own butt for crying out loud.

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Asked by LadyNaN81 at 5:01 AM on Mar. 26, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Continued...her mom lets her say and talk to her however she wants, which I've heard first hand. She talks back to us, and yes I do remember when I was her age. That's just how it goes. But it's that fact that no matter what I do, I am a b*tch because she doesn't want to follow the rules that I set for her. Her mom gives her no chores, and her grades are TERRIBLE! Everytime when I do help her, she always thinks she knows better...then why are you asking me? Her mother can't even do simple fraction math, and for the times that her mother has helped her, she got every single problem wrong. Whereas when my husband or I has helped her, she's gotten A's or B's. I am just really hurt and don't know how I will handle this. I am a fair mom and I treat her the same as I do with my own 4 year old son. Please help I need some advice for those who are going through a similar situation.

    Comment by LadyNaN81 (original poster) at 5:08 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • you'll probably get opinions from people of every situation. Sorry you are having troubles, but the fact that you read something personal from her journal is inexcusable. as for playing you about santa, I've hardly heard of a kid that didn't do that. considering all too often they are told 'believe in him or you won't get presents' why wouldn't they take the attitude you mentioned?

    If you don't want to be hurt by things like this, then keep your nose out of her personal space, a journal is for writing what you feel at the time, it's for herself and she shouldn't be made to feel ashamed. As for a lot of the other things, best to take it up with mom. Don't mention what you read unless you want sd to never trust you again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I'm a bio-mom, and I'm a bitch too. And my daughter's step-mom, she's one too. Once they reach that age, most all moms and women in mom's roles are bitches. To be honest, I remember thinking the same about my mom at that age. You can't require that she like you right now, only that she show you respect. Her age is a very frustrating one, for both her and her parents. She is going through a period where the lines between adulthood and childhood are getting blurred- it's going to get worse before it gets better. Just remember that she is entitled to feel about you however she wants, and that those feelings will likely change from day to day. But you do have a say over how she outwardly acts and shows respect to you and your role in the household.
    Also, just a tip- don't read her diary again. If you see something and realize it's her diary, stop reading. That is a huge violation of trust and respect.

    Answer by mandaday at 5:21 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I disagree completely! I think you have every right as a parent to know what's going on in your childs life. Kids will write in their journals things they won't tell us. If there is a major problem, you need to know about it! Unless it's something life threatening, I don't think you should say anything about it to her. I was a police officer for 8 years and have been an emergency room nurse for 5. If some of the parents I see would read their kids journals, we wouldn't have so many overdoses and other issues. Just my opinion from my experience. I see a TON of denial and enabling and it makes me sick! Be involved and definately read the journal. Another example is teen pregnancy. If you read in her journal that she was sexually active you could get her on BC. However, I do agree with the fact that she doesn't have to like you or vice versa. I also remember not liking my mom from the ages of 13-19.

    Answer by cantseemtogetit at 6:24 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Journals are for venting. She put it there like tht to test you to see if you respect her privacy and feelings she was hoping you'd read it get upset (thn she wins) thn can say I cnt believe you'd read my journal bla bla. But you shouldn't hve read it. You won't always b a bitches she will thank you later whn she knws how to appreciate wht u do for her.

    Answer by msboerschinger at 6:42 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Your job is to be a parent, not a friend. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, except it sounds like she might be a bit spoiled....I would suggest putting her on an allowance for completing the chores that you ask her to do, and having her spend that money on the stuff she wants. Make a list of chores, and allowance only needs to be about $5 a week. I also thought my mom was a bitch...until I was about 18 years old. It's completely normal. As far as the journal goes, it was an invasion of her privacy. If you let her know that you read it she is going to be REALLY resentful. I would tell her, "I wouldn't leave my journal laying around...people might want to read it! Please put it away in your bedroom so that does not happen." I agree with some of the police officer/nurse says about parents being involved but I think that the journal is off limits....unless it's lying out in the open. Bedroom is also her space.

    Answer by Jules13736 at 6:50 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Keep it to yourself and keep on being the "bitch" who leads her to good grades, structure, and a productive life. Pat yourself on the back for doing what you know will help her. Keep on loving her and, whether she thanks you someday or not, know she is lucky to have you in her life. hug

    Answer by elizabr at 6:52 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I feel like I have an advantage of picking the best from the 7 ans. before me. A lot of good advice & some a bit harsh. Being a parent means being the bad guy once in a while. She needs to see you & her dad as a united front- one team. You cant control what goes on in her mother's house, just yours whenever she is there. (too bad- b/c she's doing her no favors by allowing the back talk & poor grades) I wouldnt just do a chore chart, I'd do a behavior one too. That disrespectful behavior needs to be nipped now or the teen years will be pure hell! As to the journal, I can honestly say I probably would've done the same thing. Yes, I was pissed when my mom read mine once, but looking back, she had reason to do so. Sounds like you are doing everything right. Hopefully knowing that will take away the sting of her harsh words. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:08 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I think you did the right thing having been in your EXACT position 15 years ago. My sd was a horrible, selfish, mean, demanding child. She was allowed to get away with this behavior when she lived with her mom; at my house this was NEVER okay. When she came for her yearly 2 week summer visit, she would badmouth her dad and disprespect him all the time - not something I would allow which caused even more ugliness, meanness, badmouthing, namecalling. She stoled from us everytime she visited. At her last summer visit she ran up a $250.00 phone bill. We always, besides paying way over the required child support on time each month and all her medical bills, paid all her school charges, bought her a couple hundred dollars worth of new school clothes during each summer's visit and she still bitched that her dad should help her more. Now 15 years later she call me names. This is my experience and my opinon. I'd still snoop

    Answer by meooma at 7:10 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Oops sorry, my answer to into a vent. I snooped on my own children and kept whatever I found/read/saw to myself. Until they were adults they had no idea that I did that. I found it to be a huge hellp in raising them and giving them more guidance during those difficult teen years.
    I never disliked my own mother, I always loved my mom.

    Answer by meooma at 7:15 AM on Mar. 26, 2011

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