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In law question.

My Husband and I are in the process of buying a house. We are so excited for it!!! and we are actually looking forward to having some hoildays at home. Right now my husband and I and our daughter have an Apartment and we travel and hour in a half every other weekend to see my husbands family. Now that our baby is getting mobil it is hard to go up and stay over because the house is not child proofed. Its a mess actually always pretty dirty. They vacume and try to tidy before we come because they know how much it irritates me.

How can we make the message clear and say it in a non bitchy way that we will be owning our own home soon and want to spent time there and have some traditions of our own. Not just having to travel to see them all the time. ..

When I say how can "We" make the message clear but I really mean ME because my husband would go up every weekend if he could... it always causes arguments. His family is always TOP priority. I realized I married his family as well .. but give me a break..

How would you handle this..?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Mar. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • It is his parents... HE needs to have this conversation with them... not you.
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 1:02 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Well it is great to have the grandparents i the child's life. No one house is going to be as clean as you would like it to be. But you don't want to hurt there feeling or cause problems between you an the hubby. But I think that once you get your house you should try inviting them there an make them feel as comfortable as possible. I would just talk to them an let them Know, that nw that you all have your own house u would like to start doing things there as a family an that the y are more than welcomed to come an visit an make those memories with you guys. The key thing is to make them feel welcomed.welcome

    inlovewith4

    Answer by inlovewith4 at 1:07 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Tell him how u feel...u marry him not his family...
    smiley745

    Answer by smiley745 at 1:07 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I would say that every other weekend is pretty excessive. Maybe you could just use the move as an excuse for a while...taking all your weekend time to get everything moved, painted, set up, etc...then just have it taper off naturally from the normal every other weekend to every other month or so.

    That way, they still get to see everyone on a regular basis even if it is not as frequently.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 1:09 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • This is your husband's to handle. Anything you do or say will only make things worse for you. You and he need to come to an agreement as to how often you will go visit his folks. Maybe offer once a month, rather than every other week-end, and make it a day trip rather than an over-nighter. Also offer to invite his family to your home for visits, as well. Then let him be the one to inform them of the new plans. You should not bring this up to your in-laws at all. If you do, you will be asking for trouble.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:16 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • it sucks because I feel like he wants to go up to see his family more than be with us. He will say " what is there to do here?!?!?!.. hang out and do nothing.." it hurts my feelings when he says that. I feel like he will never tell his family.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:29 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I'd let him handle it. He knows how to handle his parents better than you do! lol At least, that's what I always tell my DH.
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 1:35 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Well you do need time to get use to your new home and surroundings and you are your own family now your husband is all grown up and moved out and married so he needs to cut the cord.
    Tell him you love his parents but you want "ME" time now with your growing family and want to spend time in your new home with out feeling obligated to go see his folks so much...hopefully he will understand and if he dont then tell him he can go and you will go sometimes but not so often.
    His parents should know and understand they were young and married once.
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 7:07 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

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