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6 Bumps

I don't want to, but I feel like I have to..

My husband has a big drinking problem.Everyday, he comes home from work with a 6 pck of 16 oz beers, and then as soon as he's done with that, he wants me to go get more. We live off his income, so of course I would let him drink as much as he wanted.....but he spends like close to 200$ or more on beer a month!!!!

I'm fed up!

I've told him that he has a drinking problem , and then he gets mad and says if I'm not happy, then I should just leave. I have two kids, both under 5, and I'm a stay at home mom..he turns the tables onto me, making it seem like I don't do ANYTHING!!
Then he starts name all my faults...no sex-drive and no job. I tell him that I don't wanna have sex because he's toasted everytime, and how can I get turned on with that. And then I tell him I don't have a job because everytime I get interview, I have to tell the employer that have to have a flexible schedule due to my husbands.....he tells me to tell them that. Why would someone hire someone who can't make it in when they need them?
Then my husband say's that I blame him, hence the drinking....

I'm happy, it's just the drinking is what makes me unhappy. He keeps telling me to leave....Should I??

I would leave with nothing, except my kids. No money, no job.. What should I do??

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Mar. 26, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • i grew up with an alcoholic father. not to down play his abilities or anything i loved my dad more than life itself. he was everything to me but i also know what it does to the kids. he passed away from his drinking when i was 15. i think that if your still in love with him and hes not harming anyone that you should talk to him about getting help. if hes not willing to do that for his family then that should tell you where hes at. it takes time for things to get better and alot of work. he needs to realize theres a problem and if he cant do that you cant really expect him to fix anything. im sorry its an incredibly hard thing to go through but as a mom you need to think about whats best for your kids and if they see that everyday what influence is that for them? if you do decide to leave its not meaning he can never see his kids. maybe he needs to realize everything hes risking if he continues down that path. good luck.
    adriana1024

    Answer by adriana1024 at 2:26 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I think you should prepare to leave in case you have to. Maybe start saving some money here and there if you can, take in a child to care for in your home while he is at work, and/ or take some classes. If he's telling you to leave then he's already made his choice. If it was me, I'd be pooling all my resources and preparing to leave within a year if he didn't make some effort to change things.
    Tracy67

    Answer by Tracy67 at 2:46 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • One of my best friends is going through the same thing... I'm so sorry. I can say that HELL YES I would leave him but it's different when you're actually in the situation. But it's not healthy for you or your babies. Kaylene (my friend) can't even trust him to watch there 2.5 yr old while she is at work because he gets so plastered! It's a horrible feeling I'm sure. Maybe you should leave for a little while. Just so he gets a sense of how it is for you and the kids to be gone. Tell him he needs time to himself to realize he has a problem, and if he realizes he does, and wants to get help for it tell him, of course, you will be there to support him, but untill then, its not healthy for you to raise your children in that enviroment, and he should understand that. he might not right away, but give it some time to sink in... see what life is like without his familys support. Good luck I will say a prayer for you and your babies.
    brittt25

    Answer by brittt25 at 2:37 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Here is a bump for you hope everything work out.
    babygirl0782

    Answer by babygirl0782 at 2:18 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Man I am sorry.
    But maybe he does want you to leave,,,,he said if you don't like his drinking why don't you just leave? Maybe you should call his bluff and say "Okay I will leave if you don't GET HELP".
    That is way too much beer to be drinking every day! Is he fat? DOes he have high blood pressure? How about diabetes? He sounds like a train wreck.
    He needs help.And maybe an intervention!
    You don't have to put up with that.
    Good luck!
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 2:24 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I would get a job and go back to school you should not have to work around his schedule get a job and take care of you and your kids. Maybe he should get some counseling he is a drunk if its starting to hurt your day to day living.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:26 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • First off, an alcoholic won't get help until they can admit that they do have a drinking problem and if he is drinking everyday, then he is an alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic for a good part of my earlier years and it was very hard on my mother and us kids. He went through detox a few times before he could admit his addiction to alcohol and until he did admit it, he was sure that he wasn't an alcoholic. Point is, you can't force the issue and make them see themselves that way until they are ready to admit it to themselves. I don't know a woman that wants to be with a man intimately when he is wasted on alcohol and I fully agree with you on that issue. And, if he thinks that you don't have a job then he is blind and ignorant! Being a full time mom and homemaker is the hardest job I have ever done! But, it is also the most enjoyable. The leaving is totally up to you.

    gailpen

    Answer by gailpen at 2:47 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • find a way to hide some of the money and save it so u can get out that type of behavior only gets worse , and it doesnt seem like he cares about how u feel thats not how someone that loves u is supposed to act.
    PrettyBaby24

    Answer by PrettyBaby24 at 3:12 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • You don't want your children to grow up believing that this is ok. They need good examples. Would you want your son to someday treat his wife that way because he saw Dad do it or a daughter to someday take that kind of abuse. Plus, you don't deserve it, no one does. Start saving money, find a part time job and leave him. Maybe that will help him to see he really does have a problem. Take care of yourself and your children. God bless you.
    Kelly502

    Answer by Kelly502 at 3:20 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • So sorry that you are dealing with this but if it were me I would leave. I have seen alcohol destroy many families and I swore long ago that i would never allow myself to be in that situation.
    Sessy89

    Answer by Sessy89 at 4:09 PM on Mar. 26, 2011