Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Is this too much to ask?

I just had a disscusion with dh last night. I need more help around the home. I have dd 3, ds, 1 and am six months along with dd2. He does work long days (8 am-9pm), but his job is not demanding, he basically stands there all day. Is it too much for me to ask for him to take out the trash when he gets home, or even put his shoes where they belong instead of the middle of the floor? How can I make him understand that I need help without causing an argument? We are both very sensitive people and don't do well with conflict.

 
MommyShannon90

Asked by MommyShannon90 at 4:22 PM on Mar. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (96 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • sorry..i just read my answer and it sounded a little bitchy. i'm not trying to come off that way. i've already been there though with my dh. he works all day long too. i remember trying to get him to do the trash and all the "manly" stuff. we would argue. finally i just got tired of it and decided i would do it..there was no point in telling him..and the best part was..when he came at me about clothes needing washed or dishes in the sink..my response was "oh really, if you need that done maybe you should do it yourself because if i recall the last few times i've asked you for something you just couldnt seem to do it."
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:45 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I do everything around here and work part time. There is no reason why DH cannot do little things that are asked. I don't ask a lot from him around here. I think your DH will see that it is not too bad to do a few little things.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 4:55 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I don't think its too much to ask just to take the trash out and clean up after himself. Just tell him nicely that you don't feel the greatest being pg and it would make u so much happier if he could do the things you ask.
    Sessy89

    Answer by Sessy89 at 4:26 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I can share you how we handled issues like this years ago.

    My husband and I BOTH had to realize and accept that we BOTH contribute a great deal to our household and family. We BOTH brought our own things to the table that were beneficial to our family.I had to learn and accept that his job was just as demanding as mine, his days had far more stress, far more demands etc than mine did. He had to learn and accept that my days weren't all roses and wine either.We BOTH had to look at what the other brought to the table, and respect and appreciate what they did, instead of comparing and playing tit for tat ( ex: he doesn't do anything but stand around all day,as opposed to me being busy all day) We had to learn to appreciate one another and learn to work together for the benefit of our family (and the two of us) instead of working against one another by playing tit for tat and keeping score.

    This is how we handled these feelings
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:28 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • just let him know when he gets home how busy you have been and tell him "im soo Glad your hear honey could you please help me " good luck mommy and conrats on the lil one!!!!!!!!!!
    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 4:34 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I suggest you get and read a copy of FOR BETTER OR FOR BEST by Gary Smalley. I know you probably don't have a lot of time to read just now, but if you read just a paragraph or two per day, it could be of tremendous benefit to you and to your marriage. The book speaks to women like you who want more help from their husbands, and it also explains why you are not getting what you want and how you can go about changing that. A little hint: It's all in the way you ask!!!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:43 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Well what you need to do is talk to him and say you don't want to argue but you would appreciate a little help around the house like putting your shoes away when you take them off and emptying the trash it would greatly be appreciated.
    Tell him you know he works hard but your work in never done with the kids, cooking, ironing, washing feeding the kids etc..let him know in detail what you do and see if that helps.
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 6:04 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I cant say every man is the same so i dont if this will work for you or not but when it started to get like that at home with me is what i did. I told him that i get up every morning at 6am to start my day with the kids and my chores no matter if i'm sick or not on my period or not i'm there so unless your are bleeding or have some thing broken then get up and do it your self if its some thing of your because i'm bussy all day with four kids and cleaning then to have another kid i dont think so. Then you could just stop doing his stuff like picking up after him, his laundry guys like if you do every thing for them like if we are their mom so dont be his mom lol tell him you was to bussy with the kids and if he doesnt like his stuff messy then he'll start to clean up after him self and see what you go through. If it dont work then i dont know guys are crazy they just think we should do it like mom would..
    butterflies78

    Answer by butterflies78 at 6:09 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Just tell him you can't do it by yourself anymore and if he does..a, b, c, d.. things would be better for everyone.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 8:13 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • he works long hours..i would not ask him to do those things. i would be happy if he just did them. this is how i view things around my house. if you see something that needs to be done...do it...don't expect the other person to do it. I'm not going to get mad at my dh for not taking out the trash, if i wanted something done so badly then i would just do it myself.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 4:30 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN