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A ? For moms w childless SO's who have taken on the father role?

Did they take on the role themselves or did you have to discuss what u expect from them as ur SO if u discussed it how long were u together and how did you know it was the right time for tht talk?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:11 PM on Mar. 26, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • My DH and I got married when my son was 4,and my daughter was a year and a half. He just naturally stepped into the father role. He had Rheumatic fever as a child,and was told he'd probably never have kids,so he was thrilled to help me raise my 2. Five years into our marriage,and quite unexpectedly, I found out we were expecting! And, the day before his 40th birthday, our son was born. Pretty amazing. He waited 40 years, for a child he thought he'd never have, and then gets it for his birthday. Oh,and by the way, the day our son was born was my 29th birthday, so within 24 hours, we all 3 have our birthdays. Makes the 1st week of November very interesing around our house!
    cbk_mom3

    Answer by cbk_mom3 at 7:14 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • uh he started stepping in and we kinda half to talk a lot about what is going on so things dont get all confuzzled..haha its complicated. and you have to do it when u feel its right
    spitfire06

    Answer by spitfire06 at 6:14 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I was at the other end. I was a childless woman and I met a man who had a daughter. It wasn't ever expected of me to take on the mother role. It was more be there for the child and my SO. If you would like you can discuss it with him and tell him what you are looking for. But if you go into a relationship and expect that person to automatically bc the other parent.. it can put a lot of stress on your relationship. I am now married to this man and love his daughter more than life itself. The right time.. that's something personal.. I mean, if you talk when you are laying in bed before sleep its a great time to talk about it.
    annabelle092810

    Answer by annabelle092810 at 6:14 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • yeah for us it just happened.. my SO hated kids before he hung around us :)
    spitfire06

    Answer by spitfire06 at 6:18 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • He knew that I expected a man that I married to be willing to take on that father role. I did not expect him to do it when he did, and we didn't discuss it. He just stepped in and had similar parenting ideas and style to mine. We had discussed a bit of parenting stuff in general before we actually got together, but no specifics.

    We have discussed things recently, such as that he is going to talk to the boys about sex and girls (well, in more detail than I have), and what he will say, stuff like that.

    He chose to make that commitment to be there for my kids, though he didn't have to and I certainly didn't expect him to.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:20 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • hmm i was prego when i met my ex S/O and he took on the fatherly role and since it was my first we learned together my current S/O hasnt had any kids himself bu this ex did and he took on the father role for them as he does for me.. however we have two totaly diff. parenting styles so we had a discussion about what to do when but i would not have expected him to take on the role because after all he is MY son :D
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • My now husband had no children when we got together, I had 4 from a previous marriage. They were all little when we met. We dated for 4 years before we married and he was more like a close friend he didnt discipline them at all if he saw a problem he would talk to me about it. I think this is one reason they accepted him so wonderfully. After almost 9 years together they call him dad and we had our first child together in 08. I never had expectations for him and we just truly blended together. It may have been because the ex wasnt in the picture at all for the kids.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 6:24 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • You can't really expect for everyone to be on the same page if you don't discuss it, and just one conversation isn't going to do it. Becoming a parenting team is an ongoing process. I dated my husband for 2 years before we got married. During the time we dated we discussed parenting quite a bit. He was an adult and an authority figure to my daughter from day one, but he didn't step into the parent shoes until after we married. The first few months after we married my daughter tested him with all her might, and thankfully he was strong enough to pass her tests. After about a year as a family my daughter stopped calling him by his first name and started calling him Daddy. That first year was a learning experience for all of us, but we survived. 10 years later we are a pretty strong parenting team, but we still have to communicate about it a lot. 

    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 6:40 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I started dating my now husband when my son was 16 months old. He pretty much just took on the role. He's the one who initiated it as well. We were only "dating" 2 weeks when he suggested we start taking my son with us when going out. Within a month we were spending the weekends at his place. We had only been dating about a month when he asked if it was ok for my son to call him dada and daddy. His bio dad wasn't in the picture at all so I was sooo happy! My son is now going on 6 yrs and my husband is the only dad he's ever known. He loves being a dad!

    jnsdrf

    Answer by jnsdrf at 6:48 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Well this is both our second marriages and we both have grown children but I have a 15 yr old son at the time and honestly we never discussed him or what role he would play. I just told my son that he needed to respect my Husband as a man and never be rude and respect our hourse. I must of lucked out because my son loves my Husband more than he likes me...lol i'm just glad they get alone.
    His grown children like me ok...his son but he's mad they divorced so he not to warm to me but not rude either, now is adopted daughter loves me even calls me mama T and she is 30 yrs old and its her biological mother he was married too. I think because his son is spoiled by the ex and she wants his parents together but other than that all is great in the step father step son role...
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 8:26 PM on Mar. 26, 2011