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DH threatens to cheat and acts like he wants my permission adult content

I will be blunt and honest: I don't give blowjobs very often. I feel like it is degrading, because I gag a lot and that seems to make it hotter for him. I have only been with one other person before him, and was basically treated like a sex object.

I am almost ready to pop with our first child, and all he has been talking about lately is blowjobs, and how he thinks that if I'm not going to do it, that he should be able to go get blowjobs somewhere else. Nothing else. Just a blowjob. Like that makes it better or something.

All I want to do is cry over the idea that the person I'm married to doesn't respect me enough the way I am, or our marriage the way it is, or the fact that I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant with our baby.

He says he wouldn't actually do it unless I said ok, but that he doesn't see anything wrong with it. That bothers me even more that he doesn't see anything wrong with it. I just feel like everything we have and the life we have built and the fact that I still have sex every day after working and going to school and keeping a house isn't enough for him to respect our marriage.

I have asked him how he would feel if I was the one saying that I wanted something sexual that he couldn't/wouldn't do for me, and he says that he doesn't care what I do as long as he is satisfied. That hurts me even more.

It is like when we make love it isn't special enough to him to be enough. And worse yet, that it the most important thing in our relationship.

I just want to bawl. I want to leave, honestly. I don't want to have to worry about this shit. I don't want to worry that my husband is going to go "get it somewhere else". Part of me thinks that there is no way I could be showing any respect for myself if I stay with someone who talks like that.

And another thing...I used to do it for a little bit almost every time we had sex. But now, I feel like if/when I do even for a little bit like I am doing it just to keep him from getting it somewhere else. It just makes me want to cry instead of feeling intimate with him. That isn't how it should be.

Has anyone else experienced this? What do I do? I am just so hurt?


Asked by Anonymous at 7:17 PM on Mar. 26, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I would begin by speaking with him about exactly how you feel. Maybe show him this post to let him know how serious you are about this. I'm sorry you are going through this. I am right with how you feel about it. I would feel the same way. When you get married, you commit to having only one partner, your spouse. Good luck.

    Answer by Kword at 7:24 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Honestly chick, if I were in your shoes I'd friggin leave. There's no way I'd be talked to or treated like that. That's so disrespectful and so degrading. I'd ask the a-hole how he'd like it if you were to go out and get oral sex because he didn't give it to you. I really don't know how you put up with it. I'd punch my husband in the mouth if he talked to me like that.

    Answer by Nanixh at 7:24 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • it sounds like maybe he is saying those things to kinda twist your arm to get you to give him a bj..which is still WRONG. maybe you should fuck with him, tell him you think you've had enough. pack your bag and go spend the night with a friend or a family member. tell him you are considering divorce since he can't be faithful..he will probably cry like a baby if he is just messing with you..if he doesnt apologize then i would stay gone and send his cheating ass some divorce papers..along with some child support papers

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:40 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • i'm sorry..i couldnt even get past the second paragraph. your husband is a fuc*ing dog. you could do so much better. I was in this same position. Please be smart and it right now. i know you wont, because you are gonna think you are doing "whats best for the baby" by staying...but a child needs a happy mommy, just remember that. you will NEVER be happy with this monster treating you like this.

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:21 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • simple frowni am sooo sorry mommy and congrats on ur lil one.. i think how he is acting to u is totaly disrespectful! you shouldnt have to deal with that :( i really dont have an answer for what you should do if my SO started acting like that it would make me not even want to give him a bj anymore :(


    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 7:23 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • I am so truly sorry for you :(....I really am. I want to tell you to just leave him (so easy to do when you're not the one going through it) I have a motto....There's a lot of crap I will put up with, cheating however, is NOT one of them....Honestly, being pregnant makes it so much harder to deal with too. Just remember staying together for the sake of a child is not a good reason to stay together. You really need to explore your options and I am so very sorry. (((hugs)))) the most important thing you DESERVE is respect. he doesn't sound like he's good enough for you.

    Answer by calliesmommie at 7:28 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Thats a good idea shay1130!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 7:45 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Nanixh- he told her he didnt care if she went out in did it which hurt her even more!!! i would be crying myself to sleep if my SO acted like that

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 7:27 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Well, i like to advocate for marriage. I'm sorry you're going through this and I know what you mean about not liking to do it... He really needs to get over it. You need to tell him that if he doesn't like the way things are done and if he thinks he can find someone better, then by all means go do that, but you wont be sticking around!

    Answer by lowencope at 7:27 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • Tell him how you feel about it . If you consider it cheating tell him that. He is very selfish.


    Answer by louise2 at 7:28 PM on Mar. 26, 2011