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Help! Should I get my son back fulltime or forget about it?

So two years ago I gave up my son fulltime to his father due to me not finacially making it on my own, nor could I deal with the abuse my son was doing to me and my daughter. Both my kids and myself have been dealing with an abusive husband/father for the last 11 years of my marriage. My son has picked up his dad's abusive behavior, he has been in and out of doctors/counseling appointements but nothing seemed to help. So his dad took him fulltime and I get him every other weekend. But in the last year my son's grades have gone down even with him having a tutor, he gets verbally/emotionally abused daily, his dad is an addict and only cares about himself and basicly my son has to take care of himself and he is only barely 15. I have a new life now, found a wonderful man that can provide for me and my kids, he has stability, I have two teenager step daughters who we have fulltime, (their mom is also and addict), I got my DREAM job get to be a stay home mother. I believe that my son should be with me now cuz I can give him unconditional love, I am home with 3 kids now, and I have a very loving and patient fiance. Please help me what should I do? Should I call CPS on him and get him now, or wait till school gets out ( in June) and take him to court and fight fight fight????

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:33 PM on Mar. 26, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • Do what would be healthiest for your son.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 8:35 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • So your son had picked up his dad's bad behavour, so you sent him their full time to get even more screwed up by his dad? Wow, what a mess. He is going to have so much anger at both of you now, that the best place for him is probably with another relative or in a residense based school.

    Answer by karamille at 8:38 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • yeah i agree do what's healthiest for your son

    Answer by mamawilbur at 8:39 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • you knew the father had problems when you let your son go live with him. so all that he is going through right now is half your fault. i understand that you had to get him out of the house for the safety of yourself and your daughter but do not pretend like you're overly concerned now when you let him go live in that situation. there are different alternatives for troubled teens. that's like a drug dealer complaining about a drug user. you don't want to take care of him, you want your new boy toy to take care of him. it's your responsibility to take care of your kids, not someone else's. if you think his abusive behaivor was learned from his father, then you should have gotten away from the father the first time he became abusive. their are women-children shelters for women who are in dangerous situations and can't afford to find another housing situation. they cover food too. i've lived in one as a child so i would know.

    Answer by TiffanieK at 8:47 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • you need to leave him alone. if you think he's in an unhealthy situation, call dss. but you're not fit to be his mother anymore than he is fit to be his father. you signed your rights away. if you would have signed your rights away to someone else (adoption) this wouldn't even be an option. you're no longer his parent.

    Answer by TiffanieK at 8:49 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • WOW! I can not believe how people comment on here. Sometimes mothers have to do things they dont want, but in the end it always works out .I am a damn good mother and have been through hell and back. My daughter did not catch on to the abuse and now I have two step daughters that are in the same situation as my son, but I am protecting them not to be with their addict mother...I am here to protect and provide a safe and loving environment for them. My son is torn about who to live with he thinks that he will never see his dad again and how dad is going to loose everything because he will have to pay me more child support. He is upset now that we have a good life and he is not included and that his sister gets me to be home. Lastly my son has LD, and ODD...He needs to be on meds but dad says no, and he needs anger mangement classes but dad is in denial.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:03 PM on Mar. 26, 2011

  • why would you want your son to continue living with an addict?

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:13 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • you signed your rights away. if you would have signed your rights away to someone else (adoption) this wouldn't even be an option. you're no longer his parent.

    Signing away rights and transferring custody are completely different things. Maybe educate yourself before spewing venom?

    Answer by soflashelley at 8:23 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Your son needs his medication and he needs to be in a safe, nurturing environment and it sounds as if he's not getting that at Dad's house. Someone needs to step in and help this child out before its too late...Secondly, right now, you're engaged to this man that you're living with, with your daughters. It doesn't sound as if you have security for your children because if this relationship doesn't work out, what will happen to you and your daughters? Secondly, your daughters may not have acted out right now from the abuse they witnessed but nine times out of ten, they may possibly end up with a man just like daddy...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:38 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Hummmm, such Judgemental bunch of individuals; SHE ASKED FOR HELP. not for you to tear her apart.... you know the old saying "No one can judge someone till they walk a mile in the other person shoes." I guarentee that each one of you has done something you thought was the best thing to do at the time but later realized it wasnt the right choice and to anyone who says they havent is lying to us and yourself.. It doesnt matter what it was such as a family or friend matter, finacial matters and so forth... Till you can walk on water ... save the jabs cuz we all wear cement boots...

    Answer by TraceyLu at 8:07 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

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