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The end of a relationship.

i just called off my engagement because i felt like i wasn't ready. he lives in south africa so the marriage was the only way he could come live in the states with me. so since that's no longer going to happen, that means the entire relationship is over with no chance of redemption in the future. how do i know that i made the right choice? because i feel terrible right now.

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Asked by TiffanieK at 2:53 AM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,325 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • How upsetting... If you really love him, then you'll feel terrible. But think about it. Is this what u want? s he the man of your dreams? Is this the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with? But most of all.... do you love him?

    Answer by GraciesMommy464 at 2:56 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • i love him very much but i'm not ready to share a life with anyone at this point. but if i'm honest with my self, the last time i saw him didn't feel the same as the time before that.

    Comment by TiffanieK (original poster) at 2:58 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • You don't know. In fact, you'll never know.

    There aren't right (or wrong) choices, there are only the ones that feel best at the time. You can't see into the future, and you can't repeat (or restore) the past.

    I don't think love is the issue --I think trust, respect, acceptance, and generosity are the issue. Love is activity, and people change their minds about what they're willing to do (for each other).

    And, as the author of 'He's Just Not That Into You' pointed out in the title of another book:

    It's called a breakup because it's broken.

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:42 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I say good for you for not entering a marriage when you knew you could not be in to it 100%
    A divorce would have been quite ugly

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:08 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • You know in yor heart it is the right choice when you say you are "not ready to share a life with anyone at this point". Any break up is painful. Give yourself time to grieve the relationship. Be good to yourself. Do the things you love to do and give yourself time. hug

    Answer by elizabr at 10:20 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • When in doubt---dont. I live by that. This guy could apply for a temporary Visa like other foreinger's & come visit you in the USA! He could stay a hotel/motel; NOT with you while he is here, & you 2 could actually spend some time together like normal couples would do, to see how you feel about one another. Long distance relationships tell you nothing about how a person is going to be; if you'd have to be with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, the way you would be if you were married. Admitting you aren't ready to share your life with someone is a red flag that you are not ready to get married, so DONT do it! How do you know for SURE this guy isnt just using you so he can marry a US citizen? If he was the one who said there is "no chance for redemption" because of you calling off the engagement, that would make me think he was more interested in marrying to live in the US, than in having a relationship with you.

    Answer by RubyinPA at 10:36 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • OH this is so horrible for you. I am so sorry you had to go through this. But let me tell you i got married to a man even though i thought i may not be ready, now 5 years and 2 children later we are getting divorced, because as it turned out neither one of us were and it was the worst 5 years of my life, with the exception of the children it was all horrible. I commend you for not getting married since you felt like you were not ready . I think that however you have made this relationship work in the past you could still do it. If you do that and in the future you do feel ready than maybe you could still get married, and he could come to the states. I hope it all works out for you, and dont feel bad becaus if you had gotten married and werent ready, both of your lives would be in turmoil.

    Answer by 2breath2live at 1:08 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • There's a song "What Might Have Been". It depicts a scenario of running into an old flame in the present and wondering what might have been if they had worked out. You won't really know, and honestly I believe if it were meant to be it will still work out. Or you will cross paths again at the right time. Or, you'll meet who you're supposed to be with and you'll know it was right. There really is no definitive way to know though.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 3:49 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

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