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2 Bumps

Getting back with the ex husband?

So my ex husband and I were together for 4.5 years and yes, I was too young to get married but I loved him so we decided to get married. After being married for 3.5 years we separated and ended up in divorce. However, neiter one of us cheated or lied to the other one. I want him back, let me rephrase that. I want the husband that I married not the one that I divorced but he was always insecure about everything and jealous of every man that I came in contact with. He hasn't said much about it but since we reconsidered our relationship, but I have started working at the police department as a dispatcher and therefore I work around men all day. Another thing that bothers me, and maybe it shouldn't but it does, is his whole family more than likely hates me for walking out but I want to work things out because I love him and I know he feels the same way but I am torn, I mean exs are exs for a reason but then again, I want my family and my husband back!!! I just dont know what to do ladies. The majority of the couples that have went back and tried to make it work with their ex spouses have ended up not working it out but we have two small kids together (both under the age of 4) and I do not want to confuse them but at the same time my almost 4 year old makes it so hard when he cries for his daddy when I leave with them... I just dont know what to do about this and needs some encouragement. Thanks for any advice that will be given.

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nakoal87

Asked by nakoal87 at 3:21 AM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (273 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Under 4, they're way too young to be confused by whatever adults around them do --or rather, virtually the entire world and all the people in it are consistently bewildering to them, so don't think that need be a factor.

    I am of 2 minds, on this subject:

    1. It's called a breakup because it's broken --whatever went wrong didn't magically get better while you were getting lonely or regretful.

    2. There is no personal relationship that cannot be improved with respect, acceptance and generosity.

    Which I suppose just leaves the question up to you: do you take him, to be your lawful wedded husband AS HE ACTUALLY IS... or are you shopping for someone other than him that you hope he'll turn into?

    Men get married hoping their wives will stay the same. Women too often get married hoping their husbands will change. Both are fools, and need to grow up and see that neither's real --or possible.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:37 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • i just ended a relationship with my fiancĂ©e a few hours ago. i love him so much, if fact i'm still crying. neither of us did anything wrong, i'm just not ready. i'm still wondering if i made the wrong choice. i think you need to give yourself some time away from him to reconsider things and if you still feel the same way, casually date for a couple of years. you'll figure it out. unfortunately, i don't have that option because he lives in south africa and it's too expensive to keep flying back and forth to figure it out.
    TiffanieK

    Answer by TiffanieK at 3:39 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • hello im jess i want to talk to you bout this but im going to bed so ill come back tommorrow k
    jordysmom12

    Answer by jordysmom12 at 4:54 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • You really don't want to go back there. You won't find the man that you married.
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 6:34 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • You broke up with him for a reason. Is that reason gone? If you do decide to try to reconcile, I would date without involving the kids. Even before 4, they know what's what and it will be even harder on them if they think you are getting back together and the leaving again.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:13 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • you do seem to remember why you two broke up = good (lots of people forget the reason for the break and only remember the good times) so you are ahead on that part
    you also do want one part of him but not the other part=also good you see the good and the bad

    missanc ^ has some good advice
    i would try to be friends in front of the kids
    and date without the kids knowing
    another break up of parents would be terriblely confusing for them
    tell kids that you and daddy are best friends or good friends
    and TRY to see if things can work between the two of you
    he will have to mend his family's attitude towards you if the two of you take it further down the road

    good luck!
    you seem to be thinking with head and not just feeling with heart=excellent way to judge how things might play out
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:56 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • The best advice a friend ever gave me was never look back. You dont go back to your ex because we always seem to look back and think of the good times and think we can make it again, when we cant. The bad things are what made up split up and people do not change. Move on. You will have a family again and have a chance with someone new who probably suits you better.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:04 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Ill quote the comic strip "Maxine" remarrying your first husband is like throwing old milk then retrieving it from the garbage three days later to see if its still sour..
    rhonda111787

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 10:04 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • agree with the first answer totally, take him as he is or forget it, you might consider counseling to help you all with the problems you had before if you didn't do that last time.
    tirelessefforts

    Answer by tirelessefforts at 11:28 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • If nothing's changed, it's not going to work. That's just common sense. But if you want it to work bad enough and you BOTH make changes to make it work, it shouldn't be a problem at all =]
    jspenny2705

    Answer by jspenny2705 at 11:36 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

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