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Alcoholics: what's his chance of sobering up on his own?

knowing him i'd say 2% because he outright refuses AA, counseling... anything like that, AND he's decided to stop drinking or "cut back" a million times in our 9 yr relationship. it's gotten to the point where he says "i'm going to quit" and i want to be supportive so i say "good job!" but inside i'm like "ugh, not again". because i know the rollercoaster that it puts me through. yeah, me, not him. sounds selfish, but i end up jumping through hoops to help him out and the longest he's ever lasted without a drink is 3 weeks (when he was shooting for 4 weeks).
i'm miserable when he's drunk and sober.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (24)
  • My ex said the same thing. After years, I finally left him. Someone who refuses to go to rehab, aa, or counseling does not admit he has a problem. That was the most emotionally draining relationship I was ever in. I guess think about what you really want, and what makes you happy. Hang in there.
    Nickcole23

    Answer by Nickcole23 at 9:27 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • He has to really want it. I am not an alcoholic but my aunt is a really bad one. She lost her kids to cps due to her alcoholism and we raised one of her sons (hes my cousin but like my brother we had him from 5 on). Her dd was even killed by her husband in a drunk driving accident & she got back with him & kept drinking. Losing her kids, her only dd to death, her family, friends etc none of it helped. She did get clean and was in AA and rehab centers off and on for 20+ yrs and would always end up drinking again. Its a very very hard disease to deal with. You also cannot cut back, or stop for 4 weeks. It has to be forever. There is no "cure".
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:28 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • emotionally draining is the key phrase! i've been ready to call it quits for a few years now, but then something always happens where he "needs me" ugh
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:29 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • The chances are slim. Some people can do it, but not many. My dad was an alcoholic and I have several relatives/friends who are also. It is a disease and going "cold trukey" is literally painful and not easily done. I would encourage you to do what you need to so you find peace and have a fulfilling life. I kow how this disease can ruin a family no matter how much you love the person. hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:29 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Being an alcoholic I can tell you that my personal experience has been one of the same ups and downs.  You don't just stop wanting a drink after "x" amount of days.  It's an everyday battle.  I didn't do AA or counceling and neither did my husband.  We help each other.  Don't put up with his bullshit.  It sounds like you were already done with the relationship so I won't bother offering any advice on what to do about the roller coaster thing. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 9:40 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • The chances are very slim. My husband is a recovering alcoholic, sober 13 years. He tried on his own, went from beer to liquor. Told me he quit, started hiding it. Alcoholism is not something you can just quit. It is a true disease that takes control of you. No matter how you think your strong enough the irge is always stronger. People drink and become alcoholics usually because of something deep inside that they cant deal with. They may not even know what it is, thats why counseling is so important. You cant correct the problem until u know the cause. Be careful not to be an enabler. Do buy it, be stern how you feel, dont pick him up if hes out. If he passes out leave him where he lies. I divorced my husband because I tried everything, it was to the point I had to leave to save his life. I took what meant the most. Hes sober and we are married happily for 13 yrs. search your heart. good luck
    desperateat48

    Answer by desperateat48 at 9:51 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • i know his reasonings and know he needs counseling and AA, but he is one stubborn donkey!
    he was born preemie with undeveloped lungs because his mother was not only smoking and drinking while pregnant but also drunk when she gave birth.
    then his father cheated on her and left and never spoke to him until recently and even then it was quite anticlimactic. his stepfather is a highly motivated non drinker with high expectations, and his mother drinks like a fish, but is high functioning like him... perfect recipe for an alcoholic methinks.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:56 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Alcoholism runs high in my husbands family also. People look at it different than any other disease because they say they caused it thereselves. Yes they choose to drink but they do not choose to let it take control. Find some place in your area for you to go to alonon meetings. Those are meetings for families of alcoholics. They educate you, tell you how to handle things, how to handle the alcoholic and I found it to be a life saver. Tell him he is no longer drinking around you or in your home. Tell him you love him but refuse to watch him kill hisself. Do whatever you have to to make it not easy for him. He may get feed up and leave but hell be back. If you love him you will do whatever you have to. BUT DO NOT ever make him think that what he does with his drinking is ok with you. They will give you pamplets and thing at the alonon meetings leave then around the house. Its a process but one that needs to be done
    desperateat48

    Answer by desperateat48 at 10:10 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • You say you stay because something comes up and he needs you. What he really needs is for you to stop enabling him. Do not stay with him and help him through. Let him hit rock bottom. It is hard to do but sticking around helping him through is just giving him enough help so he can go back to drinking.

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 10:36 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • My husband did it.. He kicked drugs and alcohol without counseling or AA.. He had a choice.. Stop, or loos his wife and daughter.. It i possible but it takes a very strong person to do it..
    Obi.Ren.Kenobi

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 10:39 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

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