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In love with two men?? Advice please!

I will try to make this as short as I can, but may have a continuation. I am in a love triangle of sorts. Am I the only one that always wants what has hurt me or not sure if I can trust? First guy - my very first love. He and I reconnected about a year ago. We lived together for awhile, but the chemistry just wasn't there anymore. But, I do love him. He loves me and my son as his own. He would do anything in the world for me. He wants to marry me, have a baby, and be a family with me, my son and a possible new baby. I am not ready for a new baby yet and he knows that, but he still wants to create a life with me. It is everything I have ever wanted. On the other hand, there is this other guy. CONTINUED BELOW

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:02 PM on Nov. 26, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • We have been friends for 3 years. We were friends for about 2 before starting to date. We started hanging out, having lunch, developing more then friendship feelings, but nothing serious. Then he got back with his ex. Once he broke up with her we started talking again. Things did get serious this time. We developed strong feelings. The chemistry between the two of us is OFF THE CHARTS. I have never felt that way with anyone...or at least not in a LOOOONG time. It is RARE. Well the second time, after discussing marriage, etc he got back with the EX AGAIN! And this time, he didnt even have the balls to tell me!! So, that was the last straw with him especially when he knew how I felt about honesty and trust. CONTINUED AGAIN...
    Nicki0627

    Answer by Nicki0627 at 10:07 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • They got engaged, but broke up again recently. He got put in the hospital for some problems he was having and I really was worried so I went to visit him. I felt like we were friends before anything else, and that was the most important thing. He and I slowly developed our friendship again, started hanging out again. For some reason we were brought back together. We have not even discussed having another relationship, but when we are together we do get hot and heavy LOL. So, my question is...how can I be in love with two guys but in such different ways. On one hand, I could have everything I ever dreamed of with the first love, but I am not sure if I want that right now or ever. or is it that I just dont want it with him?? Then. I have this guy I am soooo in love with but not sure if I could ever truly have him. But I cannot shake the feelings no matter what I do! What is a girl to do?? Is friends with benefits an option?
    Nicki0627

    Answer by Nicki0627 at 10:13 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • No friends with benefits is not an option if your going to be in a relationship! Shame on you for even considering cheating!
    Pudge_Pie20

    Answer by Pudge_Pie20 at 10:16 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Well I'll tell you my experience with being in love with two men at the same time. Mine went on for years, I was back and forth and so confused....skip ahead a few years.....I ended up with neither one! I would suggest you pick one, not sure I can tell you which one to choose, but you really do need to pick one before your left with none! I would be extremely leary of the one who keeps getting back with his ex...I wouldn't trust him. That may actually be your attraction to him...the "bad boy" thing..hey I know that's very alluring!!
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 10:21 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Perhaps one really isn't love.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:24 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • I dont think she is cheating becuse i dont think she's in a serious relationship with either guy right now. ANYWAY__ I totally understand where you are coming from some people you have AWESOME chemistry with. You can't controll it. It's just like a force of nature. and on the other hand there are those guys you love beacuse they are just a great person and want nothing more than to stand by you and take care of you, and you love them for being such a wonderfull person and great man to you. BUT SADLY sometimes you dont have that chemistry with that man. it's horrible and it tears you apart. I think you need to ask this man flat out if he is in love with you the way you are for him, beacuse if he's not, you could loose this great other guy. If he is I say give it a go with him beacuse if you dont you will always wonder. i know this from experence.
    loriloriaustin

    Answer by loriloriaustin at 10:27 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Do not do the friends with benifits thing it only makes feelings stronger and your heart and mind will be even more confused than ever before, trust me.This situation is alot like one I had and still have issues with today because I still like the other guy. Choose one and go with what your gut and heart say, it wont be easy.
    Lizzie32390

    Answer by Lizzie32390 at 10:32 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • if he went back to his ex twice thats got to tell you something girl came on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • This is a time where you need to step back and allow your head to rule your heart. Sometimes the heart can get you into trouble, as you are experiencing right now. OTOH, maybe neither one would be good for you, but if you want to be with one of them, I'd choose the one that loves your child as his own. The other going back to the ex repeatedly tells me he has issues he won't resolve anytime soon. JMO
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 11:17 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • When you're in love with two men at once, it can never work out with either of them. I'll tell you why. Because if you love two men at once, then you don't love either one enough. Your first love treats you well and is offering a future but you obviously don't have the same feelings for him. I get the vibe that you love him but you're not IN LOVE with him, correct? Like you say, the chemistry isn't there. With guy number two, you have good chemistry and you're in love with him but he's chosen his ex over you not once, but TWICE, and it sounds like he still doesnt want a relationship with you anyway. You need to forget about both guys and raise your standards.
    IsaiahsMommy515

    Answer by IsaiahsMommy515 at 11:25 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

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