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6 Bumps

My step-daughter is planning her wedding on my 50th birthday and...

My step-daughter is planning to get married on my big 50 and I am not sure what to do. My family has been planning a party for me with all my old friends and current friends. I don't want to seem selfish but when she set the date, she told us it was the best date for her mom and husbands family and did not conflict with anyone elses plans or events. I have been in her life since 1999 and my birthdate has never changed. I might add her birthday is 3 weeks before mine in the same month and we have often celebrated together.

I don't want to take away from her big day but this day is also an important milestone in my life. When my other step-daughter was married recently I was very uncomfortable at the ceremony and was not included in any part of the ceremony. Her mom did the seating arrangements and I was sat at a childs table while my husband was sat with the wedding party. I want her wedding to be all she has ever dreamed of however I don't want to let my own family down with all the plans they have made. I want my husband to enjoy his daughters wedding but I would like some opinions on if I chose not to attend the wedding and my own party in another state if this would be a poor judgement call on my part.

I love my step girls and husband and do not want to create any ill feelings. My husband is not willing to approach his daughter about our previous plans as his ex wife has a way of belittling him at any cost. Thanks for the advice.

Answer Question

Asked by luvthegrandkids at 11:55 AM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (28)
  • Maybe see if you can move your date to the day after the wedding. She may have forgot the exact date of your birthday. I forget my MILexact date all the time. I get it confused with SIL birthday. We always just laugh about it. I think it was wrong of them to sit you at the kids table. Talk to your husband about it.

    Answer by Liamsmom09 at 11:58 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Wish her the best and go to your own birthday party.

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 11:58 AM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I don't think she forgot, but just go with it. You're only supposed to get married once. Just try to plan your birthday celebration the week before, or after. Don't let it get to you, don't let it show, and don't say anything.

    Answer by Christine0813 at 12:04 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Just move the date of your party, enjoy her day and yours. Remember you will 50 all year, problem solved!


    Answer by gammie at 12:07 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • She obviously didn't care enough about you to plan her wedding date for any other day in the entire year. Just last week another poster wrote on a relationship question this reply and I think it might fit this situation - Don't make someone a priority who makes you an option. May not be an exact quote but close enough. I would send your step daughter a card wishing her the best and then go to my own party where I am the priority. And in being seated at the children's table at the last wedding would have kept me from even considering attending another. Good Luck to you and enjoy your 50th birthday party!!!!!


    Answer by meooma at 12:07 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Move the date of your party and go to your stepdaughters wedding. Did she know your family was planning a party for you? When someone plans a wedding, they can't please everyone because if they tried, they would never be able to get married. Someone will always have a conflict with the date. My cousin was married 3 months after my uncle died, on another uncles birthday and the day after my grandma's birthday. It worked out because my grandma and uncles love for her was more important than their birthday.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:43 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • she is very rude for doing that - why did your huband allow you to be sat with the children? i would sit down with her over lunch and talk about it - if i were you - i would most likely go to my party because it was planned first and it is asking ALL of your friends to compromise for her wedding whims. i am sure she has some solid excuse involving a hall reservation or something but if she took into account everyone else;s plans. then she should have considered your 50th to be an event to be planned around. i would think your husband should be upset about this too.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 2:18 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Well she said it was the best for her mother and his family. I would see if you can change her party. As for the other girl, it was her wedding, it's not about what part you wanted to play but she part she wanted to play and also since you would be "sharing" the mother role with her mother if you did anything, it was kinda up to her mother as well. I hate to say it but the fact that she planned her wedding on your b-day kinda says that she doesn't see you as a big part of her life.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 3:58 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I am sorry but you dont own he day. I dont see why you cant just let her have her wedding day and have your party another day

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:13 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I can see why you might be annoyed and hurt but I think if you make a big deal out of it and don't attend the wedding you will end up feeling guilty and regret it. Have your b-day celebration the weekend before. Wouldn't you want your husband to be able to attend your party as well? I would let it go.

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 4:22 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

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