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Friend request?

I found my daughters adoptive mother on FB. Our relationship is I get two package of pics a yr and a 4 hour visit once a yr. I was never given their last name and it was on a gift receipt that I have not to mention I have gotten other ways by mistake from the agency. The mother even wrote it on a pic on time, introuding the new family dog.
Would I be wrong to friend request her on facebook or should I just leave it alone?

Answer Question

Asked by TLW514 at 1:46 PM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Adoption

Level 7 (186 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I think you should leave it alone, you have your agreement and I think that anything else could be seen as imposing.

    Answer by kayalouise at 1:48 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Id leave it alone. What if she freaks out and breaks ALL contact because you friended her?

    Answer by vbruno at 1:48 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I see you guys point. but at the same time, if we are suppose to be "like family" then why not? I so hate feeling like this. No matter what I decide to do, I feel like I lose.


    Comment by TLW514 (original poster) at 1:58 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • You have a strict guidelines set up for your open adoption, I'd be afraid to send an invite and the AP freak and close off contact! I bet they wouldn't accept your invite if you sent one, that open their profile for you to get basically updates and pictures for basically everyday! I would stick to what you have, and not risk losing everything...

    Answer by TiffyTaffy79 at 3:07 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I'm friends with my sons amom on FB. Although she would be unable to split us up at this point, not that I could ever imagine her wanting to.

    Think about it some more. Why do you want to be her friend? What's the best that could happen? What's the worst?

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:29 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I'm just curious how old is your child? Do you have a good relationship with her amom, even though you have limited contact?

    I am friends with my DD's bmom and some of her family members on FB, but then we have a very open adoption and have had lots of contact since the beginning. I would be hesitant to give you advice because there is the possibility that she could cut contact. I would personally not think it was inappropriate. I would definitely keep the contact info in a safe place, whatever you decide.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 8:09 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I would think about some more and weigh the options as to how she may react

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 2:24 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I would think you should go with your hart, if it ment to b you think her mother could be the friend then thats your moment of a good experience and the new chalange

    Answer by remedy373 at 4:44 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • It can't hurt to try. I had a VERY close relationship with my twins' BM and am a little sad that we don't talk now. There is nothing wrong with being friends, just don't overstep.

    And God Bless you for placing your baby with a loving family. I commend you .

    Answer by TALuke at 12:21 PM on May. 1, 2011

  • I would wait until your next visit, and ask her in person at that time whether she has a facebook page and whether she would consider being "friends". If you tell her now that you've already found her you may freak her out and make her think you're stalking her, which could give her legal grounds for breaking your open adoption agreement if your agreement is a legally binding one.

    Answer by DDDaysh at 5:51 PM on May. 9, 2011

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