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2 Bumps

Does marriage counseling really work?

so my hubby had this addiction to chatting with girls online getting naked pics of them texting them..texting themeven went as far as to tell one girl he loved her n missed everytime they wouldnt get to talk.made up a different name each time he made a new profile so no one really knew who he was. :( i only found this out november of 2010 n he had been doing it for over a year with out me knowing while i was pregnant at that...i had a feelin that he was doing stuff but everytime i got the chance to check his phone the history would be cleared he would always want to have his phone on silent 24/7. i feel so hurt still i want to forgive him n move on be happy. i jst think im always gonna have a trust issue unless we get help..he says he was addicted n it had nothing to do with me..i just dont get it..i feel like it has everything to do with me because he hurt me n did it to me behind my back..so does counseling really work??

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mommyof3_21

Asked by mommyof3_21 at 2:03 PM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (704 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I would agree marrage councleng could help but only if the partner is truefull. dont blame yourself.
    proudteenmom13

    Answer by proudteenmom13 at 2:07 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I went with my now ex. Our marriage counselor said it only works if both parties really want it to. If someone comes in with no real intention of change or with the idea its over then it wont work. It takes both for it to work.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:08 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Addiction is addiction. Please just be kind to yourself. Families of addicts tend to blame themselves. Look for a al anon support group. You are not alone.

    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 2:18 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Marriage counselling only works.. IF BOTH parties actually put in the effort and dedication there needs to be in order for it to work. Both parties need to be on the same page. Both parties need to WANT to make their marriage a better one. Both parties have to be will to work hard and do whatever it takes TOGETHER to rebuild their marriage after infidelity happens.


    If both parties are not willing to delve deeply and honestly into themselves and their marriage, to not only find out why the cheating happened, but to also be honest about any and all issues/problems (big and small) that the marriage/individuals in the marriage had both before and after the infidelity.  Then the counselling, much less rebuilding of the marriage, will not work.


     

    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:37 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Marriage counseling did not work for me and my ex. He only wanted to talk about what was bothering HIM (money), not what was bothering ME (everything else). I agree with other posters, both couples have to be invested in it.
    Inloveagain

    Answer by Inloveagain at 3:23 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • we both are willing to put 200% into working on this n gettin past it..but my thing is will counseling work better than us tryin on our own?
    mommyof3_21

    Comment by mommyof3_21 (original poster) at 3:26 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Well that depends.

    Can the two of you sit down, without a mediator or someone helping/advising you along, and lay out every single little problem, issue, resentment, hurt feeling, need that wasn't being met...so on and so on.. honestly,openly and safely so that the 2 of you can begin working everything out (reconciling) and then begin rebuilding your marriage together.

    Reconciling is only the first part of putting things back together after infidelity.. The second part is the rebuilding. A marriage that has been hit with infidelity, is no longer the marriage that once was. That marriage is dead and gone. Why? because trust is a basic foundation of a marriage, without it the marriage will forever be unstable because the foundation of it is broken. The relationship has to be rebuilt together into a whole new one. Like a Phoenix a new relationship must be reborn from the ashes left by infidelity.

    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:45 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Marriage counseling only works if both parties are open to it and if both parties want to work it out. He says he had an addiction. One does not get over being an addict overnight. He need counseling alone for the addiction and can only get over the addiction if he knows for himself that it is actually an addiction and only if he wants not to be addicted anymore for himself (not just for you).
    MissMisse53

    Answer by MissMisse53 at 6:11 PM on Apr. 15, 2011

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