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Is he being unreasonable?

My son's dad and I are broken up. We do not speak, as we're legally not supposed to. Because of my "situation" - I'm depressed and went through a suicidal phase last year - most people don't trust me to have my son here alone. I don't blame them for that, so supervised visits are fine. My son WAS staying with my parents up to five nights a week (we live in different cities), where we would be able to Skype for about 10-30 minutes every night, depending on my 3-year old's attention span. That recently went down to two DAYS a week, for only a few hours - sometimes we'd get in a quick phone call or Skype conversation, but mostly they'd be too busy at my parents' house.

Today I get told that my parents do not know when Aden will be there again. Apparently his dad has decided he doesn't want my son going there, as he thinks they're "trash talking" him in front of Aden. My parents are not spiteful and they don't show their feelings in front of their own children, let alone their grandchildren. It's not like them to talk negatively about others, and they have been through messy divorced themselves - they know better than to do that, and I know they wouldn't. But for some reason, he thinks they are. So he's decided my son won't be going there any longer.

Up until now, I figured everyone on "his side" couldn't be on "my side", so I assumed his family hated me too - but it turns out that even my ex's own mother (and he's a mama's boy) knows that my son should be spending time with my parents (instead of some stranger babysitting) and that he should still be close with me. Evidently, my ex is the only one who thinks otherwise.

Is he being unreasonable? How can I fix this? Should I get in touch with my ex-MIL?

I'm really at the end of my road here...I have no idea what to do next.

If my story seems patchy, I'll be glad to answer any questions. I need help!


Asked by AdensMama0308 at 3:15 PM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Level 24 (18,609 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Definitely sounds unreasonable to me.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 3:52 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • He is being unreasonable based on what you say.

    Answer by vbruno at 3:23 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • If you have a restraining order then you should NOT contact him. If your parents were talking trash about either you or his father, then he would be justified in taking him out of that situation. Since they are not doing that, then yes he is wrong. Your parents have rights as grandparents and can have a judge grant them visitation rights. They should contact your ex and try to work things out before bringing the courts into this but if that is not possible, they do have rights as the grandparents.

    Answer by MoneyGirl-Mom at 3:25 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Who has legal custody at this point?

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:26 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • No restraining order, just a no contact rule. I can talk to my son, but as he is three, I can't very well call him and hope he'll answer... our communication depends on his dad and the other adults in his life - if my parents are removed from that, then I have no chance.

    I worry that they don't want to speak with my ex because they tend to avoid confrontation...which is why I now feel completely dead-ended.

    Comment by AdensMama0308 (original poster) at 3:27 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • ImaginationMama - Legally (we have papers and everything) we're supposed to have equal time with him - equal holidays, equal over night visits, etc. Granted these papers came before my ex got his current DUI and before I became depressed, so things have changed. However, he's not legally allowed to do this to me.

    Comment by AdensMama0308 (original poster) at 3:29 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • If you have a no contact rule, and your parents are caught initiating that ccontact with you, it could mess with a case for them in court. If your ex is unfit, then your parents could try for legal custody. . . other than that, they really need to call your ex and try to patch things up so that they can see your son.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:30 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Take him to court then . . especially since the DUI.

    Good luck.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:30 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • ImaginationMama - The no contact rule is between my ex and I. We do not speak through my parents at all. I'm allowed to speak to/see my son as much as I please, just obviously not when he is with my ex, as HE AND I aren't supposed to be in contact.
    My ex is truly a fine parent... until he tries to make problems where there isn't one. I think him keeping my son from his mother is a bad move..

    Comment by AdensMama0308 (original poster) at 3:33 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Oh yeah... and his DUI... came about shortly after we broke up last year (my fault, of course... so he says). He claims he no longer drinks... :/

    Comment by AdensMama0308 (original poster) at 3:34 PM on Mar. 27, 2011