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Should I keep coming to his family functions?

My ex and I divorced about 4 years ago. We were married for 6 years and have 4 little girls, I was pregnant with the last one when he left. He said we were too young when we got married and he felt we shouldn't have, we were both 20 when we got married. Well we are Catholic, so his family was so upset at him when he divorced me. He has gotten remarried and his family ignores his new wife. I am still invited to all the family functions and I go because 1. I want my children to have a relationship with both sides of the family and 2. I love my inlaws and they love me. My ex and I have a visitation agreement that we agree on visitation but I get final say if we can't. Sometimes he and his new wife come to family functions and when they do, his wife is ignored and no one talks to her, she tried to pick up my youngest child (who is 3) and my MIL snatched her and told her not to touch her grand children. It is kind of flattering that everyone takes my side but I guess I do feel a little bad for her. I have thought about just dropping the kids off to the functions, but it really hurt my MIL's feelings and we live 45 min away so I would basically just have to go sit in the car (they live in a small town with no mall or movie theater, or anything else for me to do while I wait). While, again I do feel bad, I almost feel that I should just let his new wife deal with her new MIL and not concern myself with it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • At the next function you all show up at, Make friends with his new wife. Sit with her, talk to her. Maybe the Ex MIL will stop being a petty Bi@#h to the new wife. NO reason for your EX MIL to be treating his new wife like that.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 3:42 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • If you are welcome, then I see no problems with you attending the functions. As to how the new wife is treated...there's really nothing you can do. That is all on his family and how they treat her.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 3:42 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • If at all possible I would say talk to your ex-mil and ask her to help welcome the new wife into the family. That you see it in the best interest of the children if she is welcomed in to the family. I think that would be the kindest thing you could do for the kids. This IS the step mother and she IS in the kids' lives.
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 3:43 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Hahaha! I love it!!!!!!! Just remember you are the MOM!!!!!!!! It will never change. Keep going. LOL


    do not feel bad
    khf22

    Answer by khf22 at 3:43 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • You are so sweet. You have every right to go to the family functions . . . blood doesn't constitute family. The way his new wife is treated is your ex-husband's responsibility. He is not standing up for her or trying to get her accepted. You can just continue to be cordial and act in a way that is consistent with your empathy.

    Good luck.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:45 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • They are wrong in treating her that way. I probably would stand up for her because they are treating their stepmother badly. I wouldn't want my kids to be taught to disrespect her in that way. I personally wouldn't around my kids around people who are so rude and vindictive towards the new wife.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Oh, the new wife is a B### to me also. I guess I worry that my ex's family is teaching my children to hate her (which they do). I don't like her much though. Is is inappropriate for me to still go? My ex MIL says that she would rather us come then my ex, I mean, if I hadn't continued the relationship with her and the family, they wouldn't even know my youngest
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:48 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I once dated a guy for a week before meeting his family at his sister's barbeque. There was this one woman there and she was ultra b*itchy. I finally figured out by the way his mother did not look at me or his sister talk to me that I was not welcome.
    As it turns out I got a phone call from some girl who told me he gave her my number to call me and to say leave him alone.
    The guy tried to call me but I let my Dad answer the phone when I could. But I never spoke to him again.
    idaspida

    Answer by idaspida at 3:51 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Dont stop going to the functions. Maybe sit down with his family and say you dont want to have the kids see them ignoring or being mean to the new woman. That dosent mean they have to like the woman maybe they have thier reasons but they should be atleast halfway nice in front of the kids. If I was this woman I wouldnt even attend.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 4:00 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • If I was the new wife I'd be the one who stayed away from these family functions. It's clear she isn't liked or wanted so why does she go and get ignored and mistreated? anyway....the children do need to be and know that side of the family so I'd continue to show up and stay involved.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 4:34 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

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