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3 Bumps

What can I do?

My dd is ten now, but her bio dad has never really been in her life. The last time she say him she was two. He doesn't pay his child support(But thats beside the point). She is adhd(just like him), so raising her has not been that easy. She throws thing, hits me, and tells me all the time that she doesn't love me. I know right really hard to hear.

Everyone told me that when she got a bit older, that she would want to meet him. When she was youger she never really cared if he was around or not, so me and her went on with our lifes. I remarried and my dh tries to be there for her but she pusses him awat or he is having a hard time being a dad to a child thats not his. Idk. Now that she is getting older she keedps telling me she wants to know her bio dad. I don't want to deniy her the chance to get to know him, but I don't know if thats what he wants too. Yea it has been eight years later but when she was two he told me he didn't want anything to do with her, so he won't have to deal with me. But this is not about me at all. It is about whats best my my dd. Becouse it has been eight years and no contact at all, I also have no idea where he is or how to find him, so I really don't know if I should let her see him and if I do how would I even find him. Childsupport has no clue where hes at eather.

 
Kimberly71682

Asked by Kimberly71682 at 3:48 PM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 17 (3,993 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (2)
  • Well, if she wants to see him the best thing for you to do would be to try to find him. Internet sites and PI's are good way to do this. ADHD kids are hard to handle, and maybe her seeing her dad will help with some of her internal struggles she must be having. The first thing to do would be to let her know youre tryingt o find her dad so she can see him. this way she knows youre making an effort. Then, if you cant find him be honest with her and tell her. If he doesnt want to see her, Be honest with her and tell her but be sure to let her know its not her fault, and that youre still there for her no matter what. I can understand her curiosity, but at the smae time as her mother if you feel like it may not be a good thing for her to meet her bio dad, for whatever reason, explain it to her and let her know youre just trying to keep her safe. she also may be doing this to hurt your feelings when she is upset. Good luck 2 you
    ReReJohnson

    Answer by ReReJohnson at 5:18 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I agree with the previous poster. I would urge you to think about the situation from an outsider's perspective. You say that even the child support office cannot find him. That is intentional, on his part. My father did whatever he could to keep moving, keep changing jobs so that child support (and IRS, which is a different story) couldn't find him. He was successful. What I'm trying to say is, if this man is purposely evading his responsibility, then perhaps he's not going to be a trustworthy or reliable person in her life even if you did find him. I hope this is not the case, that perhaps he's a changed man who wants to reconnect with his daughter and take responsibility for her, but keep your guard up. I wish you the best. ((hugs))
    mommyredrose23

    Answer by mommyredrose23 at 8:19 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

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