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Completely in-love with Dh but.....

am considering having an affair. yes, I know--how could I? I'm not sure. I ADORE my Dh. But we've been thru alot of crap with his ex and I've felt the need for an "escape." just elsewhere. not to mention that i'm over 40 and need to know that DH isn't the only one who finds me desirable. yes, we have a great sex life but I must admit that he can't give it to me as much as I want it. I have toys but they don't do the trick.
I just want to feel the sexual desire from someone else--not necessarily that I actually want to have sex with this other guy--just the IDEA that this guys wants me has made my sex-drive TRIPLE! and I think about him all the time!
I also have anxiety issues about being around other people (yes, I've done therapy to no avail and along with the constant drama of Dh's ex, I'm pretty damn happy.
so why can't I get this other guy out of my mind?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Nov. 26, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Wow, you said the words I, me and my a combined 22 times. Grow up. This is going to backfire. Affairs are not ok.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • I didn't say it was ok. I asked what should I DO?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Because you are dwelling on these thoughts! Everyone occasionally has brief flashes of these kind of thoughts, but when you are in a committed relationship you don't allow yourself the indulgence of considering them! You can choose to put the thoughts out of your mind, have some self control, and tell yourself, "NO! I'm not gonna even think about it because I love my husband, he loves me, and that is too precious to mess with!"  To do anything else would be selfish and stupid!  Our ability to control our fleshly desires is what separates us from the animals!


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Think about him all you want. Its natural. Just don't act on it. You'll get over the thought of him eventually. In the mean time, let him be your fantasy or something...

    Answer by IsaiahsMommy515 at 11:30 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • You said it anon 10:29!

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 11:31 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Everyday you will have to wake up and tell yourself NO. it's a mind battle. Just think about your husband and your wondeful life. Talk to your husband about trying new things or something... go to marriage counseling together.. there might be something deeper than you know... just don't have the affair.. it will affect you and your family forever. (i'm a child who was in the middle of an affair... and it is still hard on me sometimes just thinking about those memories!!! thankfully my parents worked it out ) BUT Don't do it!

    Answer by krazyash023 at 11:35 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • If you truly love your DH, the "No, I'm not going to give in to this desire" should kick in as soon as the thoughts do. Are you truly happy in your marriage? It doesn't sound like it here, despite your declarations that you are. Anon 11:29 stated it very well....take that advice and talk to your DH about how you are feeling.

    Answer by Kimebs at 11:57 PM on Nov. 26, 2008

  • Every relationship has it's ups and downs but it's the love, strength, TRUST, HONESTY and the vows you committed to between the two of you that gets you through them. Could you look your DH in the eye and admit what you've done (if you have the affair)? Could you keep it to yourself? Would you have any regrets? These are some things you should be asking yourself. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with looking at the menu as long as you don't order.


    Answer by LovingParent08 at 12:13 AM on Nov. 27, 2008

  • how would you feel if the tables were turned and you hubby was considering having an affair ? wouldn't you want him to talk to you and let you know what he needed ?

    Answer by koolest_mom_of4 at 12:21 AM on Nov. 27, 2008

  • My thoughts exactly Koolest. What if it was your DH having these feelings and wanting to be with someone else. I would hope my DH talked to me before acting upon his thoughts.

    Answer by momofangels5 at 12:57 AM on Nov. 27, 2008

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