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My Mom said my aunts were not acting couth yesterday

My grandpa passed away yesterday due to cancer and alzheimer's, and my mom and her sisters went to the hospital to be with my Grandma. Then later on in the day, they all went to my Grandma's house to be with her for a while. My mom said my aunts were acting un-couth. They were drinking and having a hay day while my Mom and Grandmother were grieving. Mom said it was like they didn't even care, they didn't shed a tear. Do you think this behavior was wrong? Or are they just handling their grief differently. I don't know how I'm going to react to them at the visitation and funeral, because we've all been estranged for years.

 
proudmom2510

Asked by proudmom2510 at 4:38 PM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (13,998 Credits)
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Answers (8)
  • well if you have been estranged for years then there is probably more to the story.


    However, people DO handle sorrow differently and if they were drinking and laughing and telling stories about grandpa and simply enjoying the memories... then that IS how they are mourning.


    He had cancer so this wasnt unexpected... I personally prefer to remember the great times and laugh and YES i would drink and that is how I would mourn the death of someone I loved.  Im a realist and EVERYone dies... if they are old then I choose to celebrate who they were and not that they are dead.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Absolutely their behavior was wrong. But its probably their way of trying to cover up the grieving, which will only hurt them worse in the long run. Chin up, sweetie, and don't let their behavior bother you.

    *Hugs*
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 4:43 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I think that people just handle death differently. Maybe they are relieved by the finality, or maybe they were in a better mental place when it happened than your mom and grandmother, which happens.

    I know I used to think that people laughing and joking around at the luncheon after the funeral or at the visitation was just awful, but now I understand that people have to have some interruption of the grief or they can go nuts. Also, it gives them a chance to speak and become closer to their surviving family members.

    I would try not to take it too much to heart and treat them as you normally would. It doesn't sound like you were close to begin with, so I would just be polite and otherwise keep some distance between yourselves if you can.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 4:46 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • The problem is that people have this preconceived notion of how you are supposed to grieve when someone dies. Total bullsh*t, IMO.

    We all grieve differently. For instance, my MIL was sad that my FIL died, but she was joyful at the same time because for her, FIL was meeting Jesus and dancing "in the spirit".

    People need to stop judging how others grieve. It's ridiculous and stupid.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 5:14 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Me personally.

    I do not feel their behavior was "right" or "wrong". Everyone grieves and views death in their own individual way.. Me personally, death of a loved one does not make me sad, I do not cry, because I do not believe their death is the end of them. Some people celebrate one's life instead of grieving their passing. Some people put on a face and play happy as a means to deal with their grief... See what I mean.. They behaved the way they did for their own reasons.

    If you really want to know why they have behaved the way they have.........ask them.....That's the only way to really know.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:42 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • This was how my uncle was behaving at this father's (my grandfather's) service or whatever it is. I had never been to anything like that but wasn't expecting smartass wisecracks. ....I think this is just how he handled it. He had argued with him the night before and was feeling guilty. Being one to turn to drinking a lot, that's what he did, and handled it with his sense of humor. I don't necessarily agree with it, but we can't decide how someone else will cope.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • im sorrysorry so to hear about your grandfather

    bmwlover

    Answer by bmwlover at 4:44 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • And you, SpiritedWitch, just made a ridiculous and stupid comment.
    proudmom2510

    Comment by proudmom2510 (original poster) at 5:19 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

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