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2 Bumps

My stepdaughter is 12 going on 13 and she is full of attitude. Her dad, my husband thinks I'm exaggerating and that I am stooping to her level by getting fire hot at how disrespectful she has become, how do I deal with this without going to jail or asking for a divorce?

She has played her father against me since she was 7 yrs old. She and I would be alone and get along fine but when her father came home she would start with crying and fake tears. Recently she admitted to it but it has caused several years of stress in our marriage. Just last year she asked me why won't I just leave her and her father alone. I am tired and my marriage is on the rocks please help

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (6)
  • try killing her with kindness. She knows she gets you fire hot, which is why she does it. try to not let her phase you. If she starts making you upset, just get in the car & leave. Don't give her your temper...she is trying to get that out of you & it is working. Then she is allowed to think your a bitch & she can come up with all these reasons why she doesn't like you. Kill her with kindness & she'll have no reasons to be upset with you.

    If she is being disrespectful, write down what she said if her father is not there...and just walk away. Let her dad deal with disciplining her if he thinks you stoop to her level.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 5:49 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I can do that but hear is where it gets a little difficult. Her father has been disrespectful to me also. When we get into arguments he says very ugly things about me in front of her. I know they are not true but she doesn't. recently she got into trouble at school for putting her hands on a boys bottom and the night before we agreed he should raise her since our parenting skills are different. He has gone so far as to offer me to leave our home on many occasions if I am not happy. Wow! The man I said I do to has been very ugly and I have put up with it for five years now. I think I am the crazy one. I don't have to and my kids are grown. I stay because there is a gentle side to him that I am in love with but the beast makes me want to run and run fast.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:14 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • My stepdaughter tried stuff too. She was married and had a family. She told my dh that he couldnt see the grandchildren unless he left me. He told her that was not going to happen. My advice is if you want to stay with this man fight back with niceness. When ever your with her be as sweet as you can be even when you want to pinch off her head. When your dh is there be even sweeter. Never fight with her it will only backfire on you. If she acts up and lies act very confused and tell him you have no idea what she is talking about, tell him maybe he should spend some time alone with her. Tell him to take her on a father daughter date. Try to do fun family things and laugh a lot even when you dont feel like it. Tell her how much you care about her when your alone and when dh is there. If he says anything about her lies ask him what you should do to make her happer. It worked for me.

    god4gives

    Answer by god4gives at 6:30 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I changed my mind, if he is so bad get out and find a man who is good to you. I was treated the same way by an ex and the smartest thing I ever did was get out of it. When I got married again it was to a man that loved me above all others.
    god4gives

    Answer by god4gives at 6:36 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I don't have step kids so I am the last person who should give advice but....
    Sounds like she WANTS to drive you apart. Does your dh respect you? Can you sit him down and tell him he can't belittle you in front of her? Or can you ask him if he'd like to live a life with his kid alone because you don't need this shit? If you moved out for a couple weeks, would that send him a serious message that something needs to be done and he needs to start parenting that brat of his? These men should not be walking on their wives. It's so upsetting. Worse, he's not parenting and let's her behave like a troll toward you! This is unacceptable to me but yes, I don't have step kids. I know it's a lot more intricate. I do wish you luck. You don't deserve this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • This child has the right to be with her father without you, I would give you attitude too if I was coming over to spend time with my father and you never let us alone.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:08 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

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