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5 Bumps

How to handle this situation, pregnant DD and DH blaming me for being deployed? What would you do?

I've been deployed for the last 6 months I got back and it was revealed to me that DD was pregnant. She's 15 and I am mad, honestly, I really am. So I asked DH how it happened and he told me that he can't watch her every second of the day and that she was obviously missing me and that is why she decided to sleep with somebody. I'm angry, really angry. He also told me that I'm the reason our family is in turmoil. I HAD to work because we were drowning due to his gambling debts, I hadn't planned to ever work again in that field but jobs were scarce where we were. He promises me he'll get a job too and guess what he didn't? I miss my DD so much when I'm away that it breaks my heart and I thought my DH (she's his stepdaughter) was going to look after her well. She claims he did but my neighbours tell me she was often coming back at random times in the morning. Even SHE says there wasn't enough discipline. Can she stay in school while pregnant? I didn't want this for her but I guess that I have to now adapt to the current situation and look after my number one priority my baby. I see DH as having been neglectful, am I over reacting or am I perfectly fine in my accusations? I'm even considering leaving him after all this.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:39 PM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • He was way out of line blaming this on you. He should have had stricter rules for her, but she could have gotten pregnant even if you had been home. Call the school and find out if she can still attend and/or what your options are. Sounds like you and your husband have deeper problems than just this.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:45 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I agree ditch the lying neglector. He's got a gambling problem forcing you to work and can't look after 1 kid?! WShat good is he? You can do better and if you have to be the one supporting the family anyways why have to work harder to enable his problem? Honestly...let him fall on his a$$ so he'll learn his lesson! :{
    LovableFox

    Answer by LovableFox at 5:48 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Ugh....I agree too. If he's NOT working, why in HELL didn't he enforce curfew and other rules? It's not like he's got better things to do while you're bringing home the bacon. Make that guy get a job or leave him. He did not do right by your kid nor by you. It's a testament to what kind of parent he is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • So, you were working because he had gambling debts...in a line of work that you had sworn off, to boot...and while you were deployed for this job that you didn't want to cover his debts, your daughter gets pregnant while in HIS care and it is your fault? I must be missing something, because it sounds like he is a complete stooge. And a bit worthless.

    I agree that it is time to focus on your daughter and her baby, and it doesn't sound like he contributes much more than BS and extra bills.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 5:55 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • All I have to say is, divorce time.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 6:14 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • You are NOT to blame for the choices your DD made, but that goes both ways. He may have been able to watch her better but let's face it she made the choice to sleep with some, she had the power to say no and she didn't. The only person who is to *blame* here is her. All of this is really a mute point now cause the deed is done, instead of playing the blame game focus on what really needs to be focused on...your DD.

    I want to add though that it may be time to move on, he sounds like an insensitive ass.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 8:48 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • I'd leave him. YOU are busting YOUR ass to cover HIS debts. He didn't properly care for your daughter (if she's going out at all hours and coming home early in the morning, OBVIOUSLY he wasn't keeping an eye on her). And he is putting all the blame on you. Kick him out, and you and your daughter (and soon grandbaby) will get through TOGETHER.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 10:35 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • well, first and for most...lets kick him to the curb. You shouldnt have to be working for his gambling issues. And yes he probably didnt care what she was doing. However, its not his fault or yours for her getting pregnant. She choose to have unprotected sex, not you. He should have been paying closer attention, however...that doenst always work. I should know, with my own son. However, I know that I did everything in my power as a parent that I should have. This isnt your fault, and your probably feeling stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Dont kick yourself in the ass for it. Your doing what you need to do to take care of you family. He needs to go. Is there anyone else for her to stay, when your away? I wish you the best of luck, you and you daughter will be fine, and it looks like your going to be there for her. Just get rid of him! Good Luck
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 11:10 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • It isn't YOUR fault. You left your daughter in what you considered a supervised environment with your husband/her stepfather.
    Drop him!!!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:12 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • If she was sneaking around while he was at work, then the blame could be totally on her, but as it is he is just such an albatross that you need to dump him. He lets this happen and then he tries to blame it on you???? And you need to make sure that the father of this baby is working and supporting too. And yes she can finish school.

    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 8:59 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

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