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4 Bumps

Why does my baby hate me? :.(

He won't eat anywhere near what he should for me; he defiantly goes to sleep despite my talking to him, rubbing his feet and tickling his cheeks and trying to get him to finish even half of what he should be eating and now he just finished throwing the vast majority of it up all over me-it's not like it's a foreign substance, it's breastmilk and it was so hard to pump out. I can't feed him naturally because my nipples are inverted and flatten instantly {so the initial bonding didn't occur-I don't think he even understands I'm his mother} as well as him having pathetic suction due to the condition he has-bacterial meningitis we're supposed to be able to get out of the hospital tomorrow sometime if everything goes right...but even if I try to cuddle/hold him he struggles and looks at me like he doesn't know me/doesn't like me...I feel miserable and exhausted. If it stays like this I don't think I'll want any more kids at all...I was really thinking maybe and maybe not and it seems everyday I feel more against the idea and that's really sad because I was so excited about having him and now I feel like the worst parent ever because despite my best efforts I am treated as if despised. Complete strangers he smiles for but not for me. I am still in pain from the last struggle where he re-kicked the same spot where he knocked the wind out of me yesterday, but emotionally I feel even worse. :.( 

Oh and btw he's not really sick anymore and he eats well for anyone else especially his dad he is just finishing up the last of the antibiotics regimen.
He is seven weeks old. He acts downright frightened whenever I spend time with him he panics and kicks and screams and fights to do anything-eat, be changed, I can't even hold him without him wanting nothing except to get away from me and tries his hardest to struggle out of my arms. There shouldn't be anything about me he'd find scary that I can think of...I start out trying to feed him smiling and encouraging him to eat-try to be silly by making slurping sounds which he imitates but he is only agreeable a short time then he is angry and won't even eat half as much as he should/will for anyone else. He is great for his dad. He behaves for all the different nurses. He hates his mom. We should be allowed to go home sometime tomorrow [the 21st day we've been in the hospital] because he has improved so much. I feel terrible having to plead my love to feed him because lately I have failed to get him to eat a decent amount.
But I'm not depressed by any stretch of the imagination! I am a cheerful person. I just feel so dismayed when my attempts to bond all go the same way-down the drain...I try to smile until i have a reason to cry :.( It's a pattern I've heard it's behavioral but he doesn't even recognize my voice inside he heard my heart and lungs most of the time he knows his fathers voice better since he sang and played guitar the whole time but with all the nurses here at the hospital I think he's confused and doesn't realize who I am.


Asked by LovableFox at 11:13 PM on Mar. 27, 2011 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 13 (1,245 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • this is sad, I remember feeling that way in the beginning, not that strong though....but when your baby is old enough to smile at you and touch your face with his littles hands, you will feel all that love youve been giving him sent back... its wonderfull !

    Answer by kokomaman at 10:23 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

  • I'm sorry hun, it sounds like you're having a lot of trouble. It sounds like you might be getting post pardom depression. Please talk to your doctor about this. A baby that age doesn't really have the ability to like or dislike certain people yet. The not eating thing sounds like a result of his illness. Please try to hang in there.

    Answer by lowencope at 11:20 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Oh wow don't be hard on yourself...he knows you are his Mommy he has been hearing your voice the whole time growing in your tummy. Just keep strong & don't take it personally, as maybe the baby is picking up on that? lots of snuggles & love keep doing that your baby will come around, he may be just be uncomfortable, its not you. Congrats.....& enjoy.

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 11:22 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • How old is he? Hun, you sound like you have post partum depression. Your baby doesn't hate you ::hugs::

    Answer by Namaste17 at 11:22 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • oh, to skin is a great way to bond with a new baby.

    Answer by lowencope at 11:23 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Oh boy....mama. Your baby doesn't hate you. What do they say about bottle feeding? If the BF thing is troublesome, just move to the bottle and don't stress out. Your son has been sick so he's probably just getting through that. You said you're tired. You need sleep and to bring him home and get a fresh start. it'll all be fine. You'll bond with this kid, I promise you! Hang in there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Your baby doesn't hate you. And as the PP said you may have PPD. I'd talk to your doc. As for the BF your babies sick so he's not feeling too well. Don't stress over what you see as a rejection. Just cuddle your baby and talk to him/her. It will get better!

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 11:30 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • Don't be so hard on yourself. Even if you're notmally a cheerful person, you can have PPD. I think I had some Baby Blues when my daughter was younger. It doesn't make you a weak person, or bad mother, to admit that you may need some help. These ladies had great advice, though...get nipple shields, join a support group (it'd probably be better to do it in person, rather than online), maybe switch to bottles. Also, you NEED to be calm when you're with the baby. They pick up on everything. My husband is in the Army and has been away for training, so I've been on my own with our daughter. There have been countless times where I've had to put her down and walk away, to collect myself. Again, that doesn't make you a bad're human. We all get frustrated. Just walk away, take a breather, and go back in with a clear head. You child doesn't hate you. They're incapable of hate at this age.

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 7:31 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • join Breastfeeding Group if you have flat nipples you can always get nipple sheilds it helps to help get the baby to latch and don't be so hard on your self


    Answer by Gen at 11:30 PM on Mar. 27, 2011

  • meant shields lol can read about them here


    Answer by Gen at 11:37 PM on Mar. 27, 2011