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How does one deal with a 12 year old that is thinking about having a boyfriend?

My daughter of 12 years of age told me that she kissed a boy, apparently the boy asked her to be his girlfriend and she said yes! Im very concerned with this because I was a teen mom and I wouldnt want my daughter to go trough the same situation that I had. What can I? I work full time and I ont know what goes on while shes in school. My question, how do you get a 12 year old to stop wanting to have a boyfriend at this age? any suggestions?

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motherof4419

Asked by motherof4419 at 12:18 AM on Mar. 28, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (21 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • kids are growing up a lot faster than they should be nowadays.......it sucks, but there is not much you can do about it. If you deny her the right to date or have a boyfriend, you know she will just sneek around and keep everything from you. I would make sure she is well informed about birth control and make sure she knows that you will always be there to listen objectively. Definitely give her your opinion, but also tell her that the choice is hers and that you trust her to make the proper choices and if she ever needs or wants any help with them, that you will be there to help her. Just my opinion!
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 12:27 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • You can't make them stop wanting a boyfriend, it's normal. My daughter is 12 as well, and getting to that stage. Do NOT turn boys into forbidden fruit. You just need to educate her on how to make wise choices and why she needs to wait before getting physically involved.
    mandaday

    Answer by mandaday at 12:29 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I had to tell my son, who is 12, that I don't want him to date yet. My reasons? 1) I told him that he was too young. I told him what my grandmother told me. She got married when she was 14. She thought that it was a big mistake. You see, when her dh became a legal adult. He started drinking and became an alcoholic. 2) I asked my ds what he wanted his girlfriend to be like. I told him that I didn't need an answer right now. I just wanted him to decide for himself about what kind of characteristics he would like for his girlfriend/wife to have. 3) What kind of guy does the girl deserve? 4) What kind of guy does her parents want her to date? 5) Why should he have a girlfriend when he doesn't have a job. He can't pay for his date. A girl asked my ds to be her boyfriend. He told her that he didn't have a job. He couldn't afford to spoil her like she deserves. He asked that they remain friends and they are.
    dustbunny

    Answer by dustbunny at 12:36 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • My boys had 'girlfriends', but weren't allowed to go on actual dates until they were 16. They were able to do group things, school functions, and supervised activities, but not be alone with a girl. Girl's weren't allowed in the bedroom, and they weren't supposed to go into a girl's bedroom. If possible, I wouldn't tell her she can't have a boyfriend, but I would try if at all possible to keep her well supervised. Get her involved in some after school activities. Either at the school, or maybe some volunteer activities.

    Good Luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:27 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • The only thing you can do is to keep educating her on the dangers of sex at a young age. Tell her of your experiances if you are that open with her. How hard it was for you as a teen mom.
    History usually repeats itself in those senarios, so I dont blame you for being a little nervous.
    Wish2Be

    Answer by Wish2Be at 7:48 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Just make sure you take them to the movie and you arethere, and make sure that you talk with her and dont allow her to be unsupervised wit the boy! It abot YOU being a responsible parent without treating her lke shes 6!
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 11:38 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • You really can't make her not be interested in boys or stop wanting a boyfriend, but you can keep communicating. My oldest kissed a girl when he was 12, he came home and told me. I used that as a great opportunity to ask him what he thought about it, why he felt it was necessary...from there that lead to more conversations. We talked a lot about the reasons why girlfriends are unnecessary at a young age. That its okay to like girls and its okay to be friends, but its really not okay to be emotionally invested with someone because it takes away from other things, friends, sports, school etc. He never had a girlfriend until this year and it took him 3 months to even ask her to homecoming and decide he wanted to be exclusive. I'm doing the same with my youngest (having a bit of harder time) but keep talking, share your concens with her and layout the boundaries.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:28 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I think it is good that she is talking to you about it. It is important to keep the communication lines open. If you allow the boyfriend then hopefully she will not feel a need to hide things from you in the future. Talk to her and make sure she understands the consequences for her actions if she does have sex with this boy. At 12 she may still believe in the you can't get pregnant the first time myth. You could try allowing them to "go out" but not go on dates. If they do see eachother out of school ensure they have an adult you trust chaperoning. Good luck tho, have been through this with my own daughter recently.
    asdma

    Answer by asdma at 12:17 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Talk and open communication your feelings and all of that.
    momto3infl

    Answer by momto3infl at 9:03 AM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Ok well unfortantly you cant stop her from wanting one lol I was also a teen mom but we also cant judge Our daughters to how we were my daughter also "thinks" she has a boyfriend no i dont know what goes on at school but im hoping the teachers are doing their jobs so sex isnt the issue at school so if she wants to "think" she has a boyfriend i say have at it cause you are either goona accept it and her talk to you about it or not accept it and shes gonna hide it and not talk to you at all i just always tell my daughter whats done in the dark WILL come to the light and i know this may sound bad but i took her in the computer room one day googled STDs and showed her pictures of what could happen if you have sex before its right!! Lets just say shes not gonna be doing it for a while lol Good luck!!
    cmwillo

    Answer by cmwillo at 9:42 PM on Apr. 30, 2011

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