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Seriously mixed feelings! How do I handle...

The adoption for my sweet 16mo old boy is almost complete. I just visited his bio mom in jail and she is pregnant again. I want to raise the new child with my boy and she wants that too. My family is upset with me because I don't seem angry enough with her for getting pregnant again (#4, my mother raises the first 2).

I am upset that she is so irresponsible, but I am thrilled to be expecting a new baby. I am going to work with her and try to and get her fixed after this baby. We can't keep doing this, I know. I want to celebrate the new baby without getting grief, ya know. Help?

Answer Question
 
ochsamom

Asked by ochsamom at 9:36 AM on Mar. 28, 2011 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,399 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Well in all honesty it isnt your moms business or her body. The woman has had 4 kids and your family has adopted them which is probably best for the kids. That is all that matters. I would be excited and happy to be having another child, and not worry what your mom thinks or anyone for that matter has to say. This is a happy time for YOU.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:38 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Getting mad at her about the new baby would be pointless, whats done is done, I would talk to her and let her know it is extremely irresponsible to keep getting preg in her situation. But celebrate your new baby, as long as you are sure you will be getting the baby, Good luck!
    JenzAmomOf2

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 9:41 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • what dune is dune . may as well be hapy about the new baby
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 9:42 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • One woman's mistake is another's blessing. Although she isn't obviously making good choices, there is a positive in it. A baby. A baby is always some sort of blessing. Thank you for supporting her and I hope you will guide her into having her fixed.
    ebcooks

    Answer by ebcooks at 9:48 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Congrats on you new additions. You being angry won't change this woman's mind or lifestyle, so don't concern yourself with that. Do what you want for your own family and these two beautiful new children. It's your life and your business.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:17 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I wonder what your mom wants you to do - browbeat her? Is she a family member? If not, it seems bizarre for anyone to expect you to chastise her or get her to get her tubes tied. It's awesome that she is making a plan so that both of the younger two can be together, and it sounds like they can have contact with their older siblings.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 6:16 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • You know, something I've come to accept about how our family is built.... others (even those who love us) - don't understand. We get most often "are you finished yet??!!!" Well, I don't know - all truth is that the biomom of 2 of my daughters will be out of prison within the next 2 months and she's communicating with the biofather of the youngest.... so it wouldn't shock me to have a call within the next year and a half that there's another and I would say odds are that we would take placement. Would our family agree? Not readily. Does it matter to me? Not anymore. I love them, they'll come around in time but even if they don't, they don't have the responsibility for my family, so they don't have the honor of making those decisions. :)

    Be strong - telling your mom that you love her and knows that she may not agree but right now - she needs to support you - that's ok.

    I've encouraged that our biomom get an IUD.
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 3:32 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Are you related to the mom? If not it is none of your or your mother's business to say that she should get her tubes tied. Whose business is it but hers if she's gotten pregnant again? If she does indeed give this one up for adoption, you can choose to adopt or not adopt. That is your choice. If she's an adult it's nobody's business to tell her how to live her life or that she has to get her tubes tied. It is sad though that these children are/will pay the price for her irresponsibility by living with adoption loss. All you can do is love the children you have adopted and give them the best life possible. The mother is responsible for herself.
    susie703

    Answer by susie703 at 3:39 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • I agree with what gemgem is saying
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 5:54 PM on Apr. 23, 2011

  • You can't control her and shouldn't let your family rain on your parade. God Bless you for what you are doing!
    TALuke

    Answer by TALuke at 12:17 PM on May. 1, 2011

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