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How do you reason with a man who can't be reasoned with

My dh is older and is set in his ways and ideas. He cannot be talked to about problems or reasoned with.
He just does not see my way on things. Not only are we not on the same page but we are in different books.


Asked by alotleft2do at 10:09 AM on Mar. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,609 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • IDK with a sheet tied in knots and a broom stick? Sounds like you've married my EX - bless your heart. You really should examine if you can live like this forever AND if this kind of attitude towards women and family is something that you want your son to learn. *If it were me* I'd leave; you can only change yourself, you can't change him and you can't reason with him - it sounds like you're going round and round in the same viscous circle over and over, hoping each time round will have a different result ~ sound familiar?? (Hint- definition of insanity).
    I'm not making light of your situation, but I am trying to point out the obvious. It takes two to fight and argue; but it only takes one to stop.
    Take a cue from someone who's been where you are; STOP choosing this kind of man over and over again while hoping for a different kind of man. Stop wasting your time while your son is learning this behavior.

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 12:08 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Don't be scared of him taking your son, courts rarely allow that unless the father has the cash & evidence to prove the mother is unfit. Many mothers have that fear & it is ridiculous. If you're a good mom & know it, he could NEVER demand that you leave the boy with him.
    it's not up to him regardless how much control he thinks he has....

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:18 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • He refuses to see it as a joint effort? He cannot recognize that?

    Right now, you're BOTH primary caregivers. Yeah....he puts food on the table & clothes on your back. You clean the clothes & cook the food. It's a joint effort. If you're not working, then you're able to care for the kids. In reality, you're both primary just have different duties.


    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:21 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • honestly, I left him. my ex and I had the same problem, we never agreed on things and it just tore our lives apart because he was so set in his way and wouldnt even give a different way of thinking a second thought.. I was always the one giving in, it sucked!

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 10:11 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Yeah if it weren't for our son I would have gave up a long time ago...I just know if I leave he is going to demand I leave the boy with him even though I am the and always was the primary caregiver

    Comment by alotleft2do (original poster) at 10:15 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • My DH is older than me, but he still reasons. i get all feisty if he won't reason with me...he usually laughs at me though, he says it "tickles" him when i get all huffy puffy. But, he'll eventually sit down with me & reason. We kind of enjoy bickering sometimes, if we're right we love rubbing it in each others We get silly about it...

    If he would not listen to me at all, i would get pissed off & tell him whether he wants to hear it or not. If my voice could not be heard or understood in my relationship, i would turn into a real big bitch. I'm real glad my husband is very considerate of me.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:15 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Here's an example of head butting

    He thinks he is the primary care giver because he is the primary bread winner and therefore is the caregiver by being the provider.

    I do EVERYTTHING for my son so therefore I am the primary caregiver

    Comment by alotleft2do (original poster) at 10:17 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Don't give in to a controlling man - even out of fear about your children. You hold way more cards than you think. My ex was controlling and overbearing. Couldn't live that miserable for the next 30 years.

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:20 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • join the club

    Answer by letstalk747 at 10:45 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • If reasoning doesn't work, you're going to have to find another way to come to compromises with him.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:19 AM on Mar. 28, 2011