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My sister wants me to help? adult content

My sister is pregnant and 18. She wants to put the baby up for adoption. The father doesn't want anything to do with her. I think he was just useing her in the first place. She has always been the shy and friendless kid. Her things have been choir and church. She realizes she can't take care of her unborn child. She has asked me to go with her to social services to talk to the adpotion cordinator today.My mother is against the whole situation.I can't find a bbysitter so I have to DS with me. I feel like I am throwing my child in her face but she really wants support. I am going today with her. I feel really bad cuse she just lost her virginity to this boy and now she is pregnant and he wants nothing to do with her. He is moving out of state in a couple weeks and she is heartbroken. this is more of vent then a question. He's such a Jackass, I want to go over and rip his junk off and shove it down my garbage disposal. Just to make sure he never does something like this again.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Mar. 28, 2011 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • hey, ill hold him down while you rip his junk off!!! :) he doesnt desrve to have those!
    3HappylKidds

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 10:45 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • help her.. don't worry about taking your child with you. she knows she cant support the baby so your child will make no difference to her and her decision.. I'm proud of her for thinking adoption instead of abortion.. good for her!
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 10:27 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • That's fantastic that you want to help your sister and be there for her. Make sure she knows of resources that will allow her to keep her child if she decides to parent. Don't allow her to feel like adoption is her only choice or that she is stuck with adoption if she wants to try parenting first.

    Luuckymommy

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 11:46 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I think the important thing is for her to know that she has the support of her family without pressure. You said your mom is against the adoption plan. It would be better if your mom let her know that she is willing to offer substantial help if your sister decides to parent (or let someone in the family adopt the child). If she is serious about choosing adoption, she needs support with that. She probably adores your son, and this won't be the last time she'll see another little child. Hopefully she is talking to a pregnancy counselor that will help her to explore all of her options instead of pressuring her into any certain choice. She should also know that she can ask for continued contact, but that those agreements are not legally binding. I send pics and letters to both of my kids' birth moms every three months (monthly the first year), and we have visits with DD's birth family. HTH!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 6:13 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I think that you need to make sure your sister isn't making an adoption choice out of fear. She also should not make a final decision until the baby is born and she has been able to spend time with her newborn. Often a pregnancy is an abstract thing, then once the baby is born the reality of being a mom is there. If your sister wants to parent, I think you and your family should support her in that decision too. Don't let your sister make a permanent solution to a temporary problem. She wont' always be 18, she won't always be single, etc.

    Things to know: a counselor associated with any adoption agency will know all the right words to convince your sister to choose adoption, even if that is not what is truly in her heart. Also, open adoptions are not legally enforceable. There are some a parents who keep their promises, but many who do not. Once your sister signs the relinquishment papers, she has no legal rights.
    susie703

    Answer by susie703 at 3:29 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • And if your sister does choose adoption, she will really need the support of her family then. She is already a mom, she will then be a mom learning to live her life as a mother without her child. Life does not simply "just go on as before". She will be forever changed.
    susie703

    Answer by susie703 at 3:32 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Whenever I hear someone say someone they knows WANTS to put her child up for adoption, red flags go waving like mad for me.

    Granted, there are probably a few rare instances in which an expectant mom really wants to place her child for adoption. However, more often she feels compelled to do so because she is scared, confused and has little or no support.

    The best thing you can do is determine if your sister really wants to relinquish her child or feels like she has no choice before you go any further. In any case, you need to educate yourself and your sister about how adoption affects mothers and their children.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:24 AM on Mar. 31, 2011

  • i would help her... shes always going to have to deal with her ds.. as long as she comes to terms with her decision she should be okay..
    zperez0809

    Answer by zperez0809 at 10:30 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Being with her and being the person that your Mom refuses to be is all that you can do. Tell her what a strong and brave girl she is for giving her baby the life she is not yet prepared to give it. Help her to find ways to commemorate her love for this baby and be there when she grieves the adoption (she will grieve). As for the guy, he'll get his someday; it always comes back around. Just help her to make better choices when she looks for relationships in the future.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 10:37 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I think it is wonderful that you are helping her.
    reflect1light

    Answer by reflect1light at 11:04 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

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