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Ok, I'm just going to ask it. I'm worried about sex AFTER baby. Is it better to tear during labor and be stitched up OR adult content

is it better to not tear and just stretch?

I'm asking this not for healing purposes, but for sex purposes after the baby is born. I'm scared that our intimacy won't be as enjoyable as it was before. I'd prefer healing wise to obviously NOT tear or get an episiotomy (this is what I've put in my birth plan). I've had friends give birth with absolutely no tearing at all and it makes me think that what that did is just stretch everything down there out (that may be silly, but honestly that's the first thing I think). I've also had friends that ended up tearing a little bit and needed stitches. I've heard jokes like, "Hey doc, could you add a couple extra stitches for me??" from guys and it freaks me out.

Would it really be better to tear and get stitched up than to stretch without tearing? I'm kind of nervous asking the doctor this, but I just might at my next appointment. She's pretty laid back and understanding. For now, do you girls know anything about this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Mar. 28, 2011 in Pregnancy

Answers (21)
  • i never tore (2 kids) but i would think not getting stitches would be better. for me they actually stretched me out physically (it was odd but it helped) while i was getting ready to push. just try to relax and not clamp down when you push, it makes it all worse if you flex in instead of out

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 10:37 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • With my first I had the episiotomy.  Not fun.  It hurt worse then tearing with my 2nd.  Sex was harder after having the episiotomy.  And it hurt for a LONG time afterwards.  When I tore, it healed quickly and I didn't feel any pain except the first few days. 


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 10:38 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • i tore a little and had an episiotomy (the stitching up) and its the same as before for both of us! =)

    Answer by Rebecca25 at 10:40 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • but i was 25 then so age has a lot to do with the elasticity and the
    way your skin bounces back after pregnancy

    Answer by Rebecca25 at 10:42 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • with my first i tore an had stitches..with my other 2 i didnt tear.. i didnt relly see any difference with intercorse after them.

    Answer by 3HappylKidds at 10:42 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Well I'm 21 and would much rather prefer tearing on my own or to not tear at all healing wise. I'm just sort of worried about the sex afterwards. We are a really good match size wise right now, and I'm worried that it won't be the same afterwards :/ I just don't see how pushing out a baby out of your vagina could not change or stretch things more permanently. Of course I'm hoping this isn't true, but I can't help but worry about it. I feel selfish even thinking about it because we both only want her to be healthy. I just had a c-section last time so I have all these new thoughts that keep going through my head

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:46 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • it really doesnt matter its just a joke. most docs nowdays find that you heal better and its easier to stitch up if you tear than if you have an episiotomy. my husband joked about it too and even the doc said ill put in an extra stitch for ya but its just a joke and nothing more. relax. sex will be the same no matter what. our bodies are designed to stretch to accomadate a babies head and go back to the way we were.

    Answer by laura970 at 10:46 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • With my first I had surface tears and got stitched and it hurt worse than the birth. I think we didn't have sex for something like 12 weeks postpartum and it was painful because of the stitching. With my second I had one minor tear that I opted to not have stitched. It healed perfectly and we had sex 2 weeks postpartum without pain.

    Answer by reflect1light at 10:46 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Just make sure to give yourself adequate time to heal

    Answer by AllThatBabyJazz at 10:48 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Well, you don't really get to choose if you'll tear or not. I can say it is better to tear than be cut. With my first, I tore. And the real issue wasn't the tear, but the extra stitch my OB decided to put in to make things tighter. Too tight. You may want to say, "Hey, IF I tear, don't put an extra stitch in there please. I don't want to be too tight." Because, believe me, that was much more uncomfortable than the stretching. With my third, I had no tearing. It was a much easier and quicker recovery, though things seemed a bit more swollen down there for a few days than when I tore.

    Answer by fancyjane at 10:50 AM on Mar. 28, 2011

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