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4 Bumps

How to deal with manipulative step son? and his boy/girl sleep over?

This weekend was my step son's 14th b-day. He told us he wanted to invite several friends over, we said fine with us. So on Friday, I got home and he had 3 boys over and 2 girls. Well, 8 and 9 pm roll by and everyone leaves but one boy(we knew he was staying the night) and the 2 girls, and at about 9:30, the girls changed into their pajamas,a nd my husband and I were kinda dumbstruck, we were thinking how inappropriate for these girls to think they can hang out in pj's at our house with our teenage son. Well, 10:30 pm comes and goes ant the girls were still here, finally we call our son out of his room, which they had been in all day long with the door closed, and asked what's up with the girls and he just says "oh, they are staying the night" We were like"like hell, they are, they need to call their parents right now" So he goes back into his room, comes out like 2 minutes later and says, "their parents are sleeping" so I go in there and talk to the girls and come to find out, they hadn't even called yet, he came out and bold faced lied to his father and me. So they got picked up and my husband says his grounding starts on Monday, I'm like"really?" so you see how my husband deals with things.... oh also, he waited so late to find out what was going on because he didn't want to "embarrass" his son. Anyways, the girls told me, they had spent the night with him before at his mom's ex boyfriend's house, and when his dad confronted himon that, he lied again, like lie #3. Then when son and dad talk about this alone, my step son says "why does Brandy even have a say in this? I have a mom". Then a few hours later as the audacity to tell me he needs his baseball uniform cleaned for tomorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't clean or cook for him, since "he has a mom", but I know that will not improve the situation, I guess I'm looking for support or ideas on how to deal with his new attitude.
And his mom is horrible, she was sleeping with and giving bj's 13-16 yr olds when her daughters brought them home as their friends, so we gets NO help from her, she thinks this is all "cool", and she married my hubs when he was 17 and she was 34....... eeeewwwww...... so, her influence is not good, she has drug him around to 3 boyfriend's houses in the past year because she meets them and tries to move in immediately and when she doesn't have a BF that will let her move in, she lives with her daughter that married one of the guys she cheated on my husband with, so you see how messed up this kids values and morals must be???

Answer Question
 
TXColter

Asked by TXColter at 2:23 PM on Mar. 28, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 15 (2,276 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • And you haven't turned this woman in as a sexual predator?
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 2:27 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • WOW.OMG.
    My head just spun around 3 times, LOL.
    14?Thinking its OKAY for girls to spend the night? What did these girls parents think?
    His mother is giving 13-16 yr olds BJ'S??? WTH? Thats child molestation!
    HOLY CRAP! My son is NEVER GOING ANYWHERE,lol. Thats it.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:27 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • kword, it happened so long ago, the statutes are up and they didn't go to authorities at the time, so there is absolutely no proof. As a matter of fact she could probably sue me for libel or slander if I make too big a deal of it.... I just try to warn the kids parents that my step son hangs out with.
    Kimberly... I know! and she was trying to plan a camping trip with his friends for this b-day.....
    but what about the fact he says "I have a mom, Brandy should have no say in this"???
    TXColter

    Comment by TXColter (original poster) at 2:31 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • okay..forgot to give you any advice,lol.
    I have a 14 yr old step son too. First...as you probably already are totally aware of..step kids don't ever feel like they have to listen to a step parent...especially in the teen years. The best thing for us step moms to do is to be thier supportive friend.Someone to talk to and get GOOD HELPFUL CONCERNED advice from.
    All the rest...talk with dad...the two of you get on the same page and dad should follow through with any punishment that the two of you decide on behind closed doors.You advise...he implements.
    GOOD LUCK!
    p.s. and next time girls decide to put pj's on right away..its okay to jump right in and say..HONEY I DON"T THINK SO.
    Dear Lord..what are these kids thinking these days...14..yrs old..omg.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:32 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • GROUND RULES !!!!! YOUR HOUSE YOUR RULES. PARTY HOUSE IS AT HIS MOM'S.
    And with that being said there are ways that she needs to act or be held accountable for her actions.
    kkbird

    Answer by kkbird at 2:32 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • thanks for the advise..... this is all just bouncing around in my head, I couldn't sleep all weekend, I had anxiety, because stepson's mom is literally a sociopath.... I fear she will burn our house down one weekend that her son isn't here. oh and to top it all off, step son his cold towards my 3 yr old when he's mad at me. It's just a sad situation.
    TXColter

    Comment by TXColter (original poster) at 2:39 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • He's 14 and old enough to wash his own uniform and I would have told him so. As for the girls sleeping over, I would have taken them home on the spot. There will be no co-ed sleep overs in my home. Like others have said, your home, your rules. Your SS is still a child and if he "has a mom" that was worth anything (not you) this kind of junk would not be going on in her home either.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:51 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I would take the spotlight off of him and keep it on your own boundaries. In other words, don't make it about his morals or lack of them, but make it about what you will accept in your home. I wouldn't accept girls sleeping with boys either. Make it a hard and fast rule, that at your house no co slumber parties. If he does this at other homes, not your child, not your problem. His dad needs to step up if he doesn't like this happening outside of his own home. Enforce the things you can, let go of being the parent. Let his dad parent. If his dad screws up, then that is on him, not you.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 3:32 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I guess I missed something so I had to re-read it over....did you speak with the parents of all the kids before the kids came over? I remember my boys being 14 and even when they had parties or sleep overs, I spoke with each parent so I would feel comfortable with their child being in my home...as far as the girls are concerned, I did the same thing but the girls were not allowed to spend the night. My sons' knew the rules...the girls had to be out before 10 p.m....
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:22 PM on Mar. 29, 2011

  • Girl, you have your hands full. That stuff about the BM, geez, that's just wrong. I'm surprised your DH isn't trying to get full custody of him. In regard to the party (My daughter just had one similar), I lay out the ground rules. You can invite boys and girls. Girls have to leave at 12 a.m. Boys can spend the night. Set a limit--only 10 or 8. In my house when boys come over, bedroom doors stay OPEN at all times!! My son was 19 and we still made him leave the bedroom door open. It's MY house. Those are the rules. Otherwise, no party. About the uniform, I'd be tempted to say, do it yourself, but you want to be the adult. Your husband should have said, "These are the rules in this house. It's not about Brandy trying to be your mom." I wish you luck! :)
    AFairyTaleGirl

    Answer by AFairyTaleGirl at 12:05 PM on Mar. 30, 2011

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