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How do you handle such a situation.....?

I have a 4 year old turning 5 this year in November. His father and I seperated a while back now and as of yesterday caught me by HUGE suprise when he told myself and my mom that he is bullied at his "dads school" (he attends pre school when with me and a play group when with his father, as of right now he spends a week with me a week with his father) I asked him what he did when the kids were mean to him and he told me they push him in the snow and they call him fatty (he is 4 years old and weighs 40lbs) I asked if he told his dad and he said "yes daddy came and told them to stop and they are nice to me now" I gave the ex credit for it and spoke to him about this "issue" when my son was not present and my ex informed me that our son tells him the same thing only about my school. Both of us communicate with the teachers regularly and I have attended on our sons "special days" at school to see that the kids adore him as does the teacher. My only Q now is do you handle this when it is so damn funny that he plays us for fools and thinks we do not communicate?

I know it is not good to think of it as funny but i must admit I am a little proud of the little bugger to be able to think something like this up........

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Asked by DMansMom005 at 4:18 PM on Mar. 28, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 4 (52 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • He wants to see if the two of you share with each other. I'd address him together the next time an issue like this comes up so that he knows that the two of you are on the same page. And yes, we must give him props for being a clever 4 y/o, you wouldn't think they'd learn to do this until much older.

    Answer by Kimedbs at 4:38 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • It seems to me like he wants you both to get along. While you should definately talk to him about the lying, and explain to him its not good to do that no matter his intentions, its still adorable that he did this!! But you need to be careful because he may get into the habit of lying, and it could become problematic. And as they get older they find differnt ways to play the seperate mommy and daddy situation ( i deal with this on almost a daily basis) so its good to get an early start on explaining to him the downside to making up stories (and example would be the little boy that cried wolf ,but a story a little bit more age appropriate.) This way your instilling to values on your son that you want him to have in life, while still enjoying the cute quirks he has just being a kid. LOL!! It would be a good story to share with him when he gets older!

    Answer by ReReJohnson at 5:09 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Gotta love feeling like you have been outsmarted by a 4 year old! LOL! They're craftier than we were, I think!

    I would sit down together with him and let him know that mom and dad talk about him and how he is doing, and that you don't want stories going back and forth if they aren't true, because you will figure that out and that you won't like it. I think the most important thing here is a "united front", and it sounds like you guys are already working this would just be a little extra. Maybe just saying "Well, I'll have to see what mommy/daddy says about that" or something would get him to realize that he isn't going to be pulling over anything on anyone.

    My daughter will pull things like that when she comes back from grandma's house or wherever she is. For example, if she sees me eating something, rather than asking for it she will say "grandma didn't feed me"...gimme a break kid.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 6:52 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I would both speak to him together that way he knows that youll know what he is doing. let him know that you and daddy still talk about everything when it comes to him, because he is youlls first priority.

    Answer by motherof33333 at 8:49 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

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