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Am i wrong for getting mad at my son for never defending himself?

he just wont do it! I've even put him in karate because of this. but i always notice some kids just play too hard, to the point to where my son is getting pushed around. kids will hang on him and pull on his clothes. I hate it! He is gentle and he just likes to play like a normal person..not like a wild out of control ape child. I tell him all the time that if he don't like kids clinging to him to tell them to stop and if they don't stop then he needs to knock them down. He acts like he is afraid he is gonna hurt them. What would you do?

Answer Question
 
shay1130

Asked by shay1130 at 5:34 PM on Mar. 28, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 27 (32,809 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Don't think there is anything you can do. My DD is the same way. She won't defend herself. I tell her if someone hits her she's allowed to hit back. But ONLY if they hit her first. She won't even do that.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 5:42 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • My 3-1/2 year old is already like that - its just their personality.. Its hard to deal with and understand.. I was the same way when I was younger - I don't think you can MAKE them be something different, you just have to arm them with the tools to stick up for themselves and hope they do when they really NEED it.. I can see why this bothers YOU but.. its him who it will need to bother enough to do something about, I don't think you getting mad at him is going to help in anyway
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:46 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Whats wrong with him just removing himself from the situation? Getting an adult to handle it? Why does he need to physically fight?

    In grown up life, if we hurt someone who is hurting us, we are just as accountable in the laws eyes. It's considered mutual combat.
    Adults are expected to call the authorities, not handle it themselves.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 5:49 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Don't be mad. Support him the best you can and always encourage him.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:49 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • and i can tell he doesnt like kids doing this stuff sometimes because he will get this look on his face like he wants to cry
    shay1130

    Comment by shay1130 (original poster) at 5:51 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • It's hard to watch other kids be mean to our kids. I know. But they have to learn how to manage. It prepares them for adulthood. It is definitly hurtful. :(
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 5:55 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • musicmom..because in prek/kindergarten they are told.."no tattletaling...handle things on your own." this is two yrs in a row..in two different schools i've heard teachers say this. Of course i tell him to not play with kids who are mean and to tell the teacher if someone is being ugly..thats not always going to work though. Some of these kids don't know how to bug-off
    shay1130

    Comment by shay1130 (original poster) at 5:57 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • How old is he? It may be that he is just still too young to understand how to defend himself. Some children seem to be more confrontational than others, and you may have to just wait until he gets tired of being pushed around and decides to take up for himself.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:57 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • he is 6
    shay1130

    Comment by shay1130 (original poster) at 6:01 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Have you talked to the teachers at the preschool/kindergartin? If they are telling the kids not to be tattletales, then chances are, he's not going to say anything because he doesn't want to be the tattletale and if he punches a child, he could also be in trouble for doing it. In schools these days, (grades 1-12), kid's get that defend themselves physically get into just as much trouble as the one who started the problem We;ve told our kids, if someone is hurting them, to defend themselves and we'll deal with the school as we believe that a child does have the right to defend themselves no matter what the school says. Keep him in martial arts, it will build his self confidence but as I mentioned, I'd definitly have a talk with the teachers.
    meriana

    Answer by meriana at 7:20 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

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