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2 Bumps

Why is it that a mother should make every effort to support the relationship between the father and child but if the father wants to have less to do with the children it is no big deal?

My ex and I have 2 children. I have always been supportive of their relationship with their dad. Currently he has the kids every other weekend and one day during the week from after school till school the next day. Well now he is getting remarried and his fiance' doesn't want him to continue with the one day during the week thing. She works 3pm till 11pm so "she needs her sleep". Well I am sorry but I didn't have these children by myself and I am not going to do all the work on my own so and he only have them on the weekends when there isn't much of a schedule. As it is, I have them 4/5 of the school days. Am I wrong to feel this way? It's not that I don't want to take care of my children, I just feel like their father should have to do some of it too, share some of the responsibility.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:32 PM on Mar. 28, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (14)
  • I agree. My husband (before we were married and we were not together) didn't want to take the kids often. I used to drive over there and drop them off and force him to see them. He was a good dad...just stupid. I felt like I didn't have a choice about taking care of them so he shouldn't either. Good luck with your situation.

    Answer by ashisamom at 6:35 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Whats it to her???? if she works 3-11pm then she's not there during the weekday anyways... right??? and her problem is??? I agree both parents should be active in a childs life. school, summers, sports all of it.

    Answer by kkbird at 6:39 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Well, she says the problem is that the kids have to get up at 6:30 and get ready to leave at 7:30 so that would "disturb her rest" because she would have gotten home at 4. Really? It's not like she would have to get up with them, my ex would take them before he goes to work (like he always does), but she doesn't want the noise

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:44 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Um, she is marrying a man with children and should try to encourage his relationship with them instead of thinking about herself. He needs to give her a second thought for the same reasons.

    Answer by gludwig2000 at 6:53 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I don't understand it. My husband refused to settle for anything less than 50% of the time with his son from a previous relationship and takes him any extra that he can. If I ever would have tried to get him to take less time with his son, he would have stopped dating me immediately and would definitely have never married me.

    Answer by other_mother at 6:54 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I called her and talked to her about it directly, she says that it will be her home to and she should have just as much say when "guests" are there. I said that my children are not guests! They were there long before she was and will be there long after!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:57 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • In a perfect world the roles of both parents in a childs life would be split 50/50. Unfortunetly it usually isn't that way. It's sad, but a fact of life. You need to talk w/ your ex!! His wife should've understood when they got together that he was a package deal w/ his kids, and that could possibly mean some sacrifices on her part.

    Answer by HappyEndings at 7:12 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • old fashioned double standard?

    Answer by minnesotanice at 7:13 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I agree with you because my sister had that problem with her ex hubby. He doesn't have anything to do with him because of the girl he is seeing now. She told him to give all his parental rights and thats what he did. He doesn't call them to check on or anything. My opinion the ex needs to put out an effort to take care of his cildren and it shouldnt be on your shoulders to do all the heavy lifting.

    Answer by shelle21 at 8:34 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • I think it's BS that some parents allow others to interfere with their relationship with their children. I'm a SM and would NEVER tell DH to give up time with my SD. That's just wrong!

    If you really want him to take that time, I'd tell them that no taking that weeknight would be fine, but that it would mean that you would put it through the Courts and request a modification of CS (and daycare if that's a part of the order), since you'd have 4 extra days a month to care for the children. It'd probably scare them enough to take it. lol

    Answer by laird6372 at 2:20 AM on Mar. 29, 2011

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