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How come i only get turned on by other men? not my husband? adult content

i want it to be him. i haven't cheated. i won't. i just want it to be him. i try so hard but it's always so mechanical. i speak up about what i want but he just doesnt get it. its like the feeling isn't there. what do i do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:53 PM on Mar. 28, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • May I ask something first?

    What is the rest of your relationship like? Are you: happy, fulfilled, satisfied, feel that your needs are acknowledged and met most of the time, do you feel appreciated most of the time? Are there any underlying problems/issues/or resentments in your relationship?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 6:58 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Did you try talking to him? I wouldn't come right out and say you don't turn me on but I would tell him things are boring and you would like to spce things up a bit and if that does'nt work maybe it's something a little more than that. Maybe try talking to a professional.
    Mom1127-0125

    Answer by Mom1127-0125 at 6:56 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • pixi, yes. that's why i feel even worse about it. i don't want to feel this way.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:00 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Ok bear with me.. Ol' Pixie gets a little slow around this time of the day.. LOL

    Yes, your needs are met, your happy;....etc..etc..

    Or

    Yes there are problems...etc..etc.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:01 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • yes, he is meeting my needs. he's a good provider, husband, and my best friend, it's just this area of our relationship.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:16 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Ok.. Sexually speaking.. When you guys do have sex.. Is the sex satisfying, pleasurable, and mutually fulfilling for both of you? Is there anything physically that has become a turn off for you if it's not an emotional turn off?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:18 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • he's pushy and mechanical, and there is no feeling in it. i've tried to tell him but he just doesnt get it. he always wants sex. it feels like a chore. its not terrible all the time, but sometimes i just give in and let him because i don't want to hurt him. he's not a jerk about it either. the men that are interested in me just have some sort of excitement or mystique about them.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:23 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • Okay I'll share my thoughts based solely on what you have shared.

    If he is all about mechanics. That pretty much usually means that he is acting on his own sexual needs and instincts. The sexual response for men is very different than it is for women. The way they need to be stimulated is different.. By just being mechanical that shows that he most likely truly do not understand the differences between male/female sexuality, sexual response, sexual needs in order to become aroused, or needs in order to reach orgasm. These are things that very few men just "know", most have to be taught by a woman or take the initiative to learn on their own (by reading up on the subjects &/or experimentation).

    Do you know what gets you going? Do you know what you need in order to become sexually aroused? do you know what brings about the most arousal in your? Do you know what all you need in order to be fully pleasured and orgasm?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:28 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • yes i know all that, and i have told him. he does know how to do that. it feels like lack of chemistry or something. i could go without sex for months. i'm also boored, but i don't know what i want to do to make it better. i know i've gained a lot of weight after four kids and haven't been hit on in a long time. i've been losing weight and being sought after and it's sort of a thrill. cant explain it. i don't want to cheat, i won't do that. i just feel guilty.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:32 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

  • You've made changes in yourself and you are looking for that extra bit of acknowledgement from your husband.. Perfectly understandable.

    Others are noticing those changes, and it feels good when it happens........Again.. Perfectly understandable.

    If there is a lack of chemistry (if chemistry was once there), it can be regained. In order to do so though, both of you have to take an honest look at: yourselves, your relationship, and your sex life.... to see where the disconnect started (or where it stems from) that has dampened that chemistry. Once that is figured out. The two of you can work together to make things just as great as the two of you are willing to make it.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:37 PM on Mar. 28, 2011

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